Author Topic: Stuff of nightmares  (Read 851 times)

Offline [Bubbles]

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Stuff of nightmares
« on: May 21, 2020, 10:44:30 PM »
So this is just for victims.

Do you still have nightmares about your assault. I ask because occasionally when I am stressed i do and they are usually the same but the most recent incident with it was different.

Just wondering what it's like for everyone else
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Offline Kylie

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2020, 07:29:24 AM »
Yes.  All the time. 
It is usually the same type of dream.

Offline Jessica_33

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2020, 07:35:28 AM »
Yes not as frequently as I used to but can have nightmares if it and sometimes just dreams that my rapist just appears in
I knew him well, so sometimes have dreams where everything was ok and that’s even more disturbing sometimes

Offline Rachel_Thornton

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2020, 12:40:07 PM »
I still do have nightmares about my rape and like yourself it is mostly connected to my stress levels. If I am feeling out of control over something then it comes and hurts me in the night.
I feel disturbed while dreaming it as I feel that I am just watching and waiting for the event to happen and I am powerless to stop it. All I can do is just wait until the end and hope to wake up. Sometimes its just the one time, other times it repeats from the beginning and my mind just gets confused.

Offline [Bubbles]

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2020, 08:56:45 AM »
All I can do is just wait until the end and hope to wake up. Sometimes its just the one time, other times it repeats from the beginning and my mind just gets confused.

Fuck this sucks, my stress is so high that it's happening almost every night.  And it used to always be the same, if be laying in bed if hear the door of his truck close and then Id lay motionless and listen as he got closer, my mind wants me to run but I can't. Then when he's done he just lays on top of me.

But these new nightmares are different. It's like a regular dream and then I'll see his reflection in a mirror. Or hear his voice from across the room and it will be in a crowded place and I start running for my life but no one helps out even cares everyone just goes on with their lives. And as I'm screaming and fighting people just walk by it's like I'm invisible.
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Offline dawnamber

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2020, 03:19:00 PM »
No psycho babble here Bubbles. It's been 25 years since I was raped. And I still occasionally have nightmares. Most usually, it's a combination of stress AND this is important.....someone you are newly in contact with, semi regular. Subconsciously, they remind you of.........it sets them in motion.

Wish I could tell you they go away. But, they don't. They can fade..but they're still there. And your mind remembers everything, whereas you probably blocked a lot. The new dreams, are a revelation that you most likely sense this persons presence. Even if it's not him

 emot_bghug.gif

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Offline Kylie

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2020, 10:40:21 PM »
They are still there.  I write stories about them.  I have people write stories about them.  I roleplay about them.  Maybe it will not be so scary anymore.  I don't know.

Offline [Bubbles]

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2020, 10:52:30 PM »
No psycho babble here Bubbles. It's been 25 years since I was raped. And I still occasionally have nightmares. Most usually, it's a combination of stress AND this is important.....someone you are newly in contact with, semi regular. Subconsciously, they remind you of.........it sets them in motion.


Soooooo I figured it out today.  I was going to get my mail which is in a public place in our complex, I didn't hear my new neighbor leave his apt, I was just like zoned out I guess. Anyway he's Chinese we bonded a while ago over common culture, went out to get Ramen together he's overall a cool guy who I can call to kill spiders in an emergency. When he found out I was Korean he started saying a few phrases he remembered in Korean just a nice gesture cuz I was complaining I never get to speak it anymore.  Anywho I'm getting my mail, he says hello in Korean and I fucking screamed bloody murder, turn around and almost punch him because he sounds a whole lot like my uncle. And it's one of those things when I was looking at him talk my brain didn't make the connection but he came up from behind me and all I had was a voice that I swear to God I recoiled and panicked and was ready to fight all pretty much at the same time.

Then I ran into my apartment (leaving my mail like an Idiot) I just couldn't talk, like to him or really at all,  and by the time I got my shit together he was gone. This is the thing I hate about new people I now have to explain why I behaved like a lunatic. Whatever, moral of the story, my subconscious sucks, I'm sure I'm gonna have a nightmare tonight because I'm an anxious mess and it's amazing how exhausting 20 seconds of pure unbridled fear can be.

Going to bed early. Gnite
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Offline dawnamber

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2020, 04:58:22 PM »
No psycho babble here Bubbles. It's been 25 years since I was raped. And I still occasionally have nightmares. Most usually, it's a combination of stress AND this is important.....someone you are newly in contact with, semi regular. Subconsciously, they remind you of.........it sets them in motion.


Soooooo I figured it out today.  I was going to get my mail which is in a public place in our complex, I didn't hear my new neighbor leave his apt, I was just like zoned out I guess. Anyway he's Chinese we bonded a while ago over common culture, went out to get Ramen together he's overall a cool guy who I can call to kill spiders in an emergency. When he found out I was Korean he started saying a few phrases he remembered in Korean just a nice gesture cuz I was complaining I never get to speak it anymore.  Anywho I'm getting my mail, he says hello in Korean and I fucking screamed bloody murder, turn around and almost punch him because he sounds a whole lot like my uncle. And it's one of those things when I was looking at him talk my brain didn't make the connection but he came up from behind me and all I had was a voice that I swear to God I recoiled and panicked and was ready to fight all pretty much at the same time.

Then I ran into my apartment (leaving my mail like an Idiot) I just couldn't talk, like to him or really at all,  and by the time I got my shit together he was gone. This is the thing I hate about new people I now have to explain why I behaved like a lunatic. Whatever, moral of the story, my subconscious sucks, I'm sure I'm gonna have a nightmare tonight because I'm an anxious mess and it's amazing how exhausting 20 seconds of pure unbridled fear can be.

Going to bed early. Gnite

Honesty doesn't have to include details. Simply say..."your voice reminded me of a bad time in my past and my brain took me back there. I apologize if it affected you". And congrats  on figuring it out

"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil." -- Marquis de Sade

 

Daddysgirl2019
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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2020, 12:56:22 AM »
I wake up from them and I can smell him for a little while

Offline [Bubbles]

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2020, 05:58:05 PM »
I wake up from them and I can smell him for a little while

I just wake up in a cold sweat and enraged. That must suck to be able to smell him. :(
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Daddysgirl2019
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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2020, 07:53:25 PM »
I wake up from them and I can smell him for a little while

I just wake up in a cold sweat and enraged. That must suck to be able to smell him. :(

It's Marlboro Lights.  He was a chain smoker.

Offline [Bubbles]

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2020, 09:13:08 PM »
I wake up from them and I can smell him for a little while

I just wake up in a cold sweat and enraged. That must suck to be able to smell him. :(

It's Marlboro Lights.  He was a chain smoker.

BLECH! <Virtual Hugs>
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Offline Connie Stanz

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2020, 12:34:49 PM »
Still get occasional anxiety when awake but after the first couple of years I never really had nightmares - more matter-of-fact dreams that can feel oddly cathartic. Usually feel quite serene when waking up after one.

Offline Neighbor

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Re: Stuff of nightmares
« Reply #14 on: March 11, 2021, 01:12:25 PM »
Prison, 1960's era. (A couple years before, I had been a "green beret")

"Safe Streets Act": Governors of states shall have the power, if necessary, to order the execution of ANY AND ALL state and county prisoners, in the case of natural disaster, or political insurrection, or attack from a foreign country.

The nightmare: On the side of a navajo-cliff, little caves all in a row, connected by catwalks... Or, if you will, a "Cellblock".
Distant sound. Mechanical actuation, a heavy metal door slides slowly open. A single person screams. A "BOOM". A gunshot. Silence.
A little closer. Door. Screams. Gunshot.
Then a little closer, coming down the catwalk, towards where I lay asleep.
You sit up in a cold sweat, listening to the pregnant sounds of silence. Almost WILLING the sound to begin again.

Let me be clear. About sociopaths, especially those of us who are autistic. Not only are we incapable of "empathizing with" (or "loving") other people (in our earlier years), we are usually philosophical about our own welfare. Realistically, you ask yourself: should I "kill myself", save society the time/trouble? Even while realizing, purely intellectually, that our life is not our own, and that THIS action would multiply the pain and embarrassment we have caused society, family, friends.

But how often, over the 10 years I hung out at Ravish U, did I start with intentions of a certain roleplay, and my automatic protections would kick in, and me finding myself unable to continue? (ROFL: "My gawd, you've turned romantic, when all I wanted you to do was graphically describe hurting me.")

The parade of shrinks, back through the years... "You appear to have been molested. Do you have ANY memories of it at ALL?"... Nope. Not even to THIS day. Even after YEARS of therapy, for schizophrenia, and lack of being aware of emotions, or ability to "love". Memories of being in the "elite" military, getting up in the middle of the night, walking down the hall to the restrooms, standing at a urinal for 20 or 30 minutes, my body quietly laughing or crying, my mind coldly unaware of what was causing my body to do this, there being no accompanying emotion.

I see her face. The fear, the pain, It still gives me a hard-on to sit and relish the memory. Then later tonight, I will ask my God to protect that person, afford them whatever of life's blessing is possible for them. For forgiveness, for myself and the world.

Nightmares. The feather, or leaf, that startlingly brushes your cheek, in those moments you find yourself walking down a dark night's pathway. Surrounded by the thick palpable whispers of the past... and what might have been.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2021, 01:23:56 PM by Neighbor »