Author Topic: Limits  (Read 539 times)

Offline [Bubbles]

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Limits
« on: January 29, 2020, 03:02:39 AM »
If someone redlines without permission (breaks something that is an agreed-upon Red limit) should that immediately put an end to the scene (and possibly relationship?)
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Offline amandablonde

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Re: Limits
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2020, 01:46:54 AM »
I believe in allowing a dog one bite. It might not have been intentional. Sometimes people get carried away by the moment. A stern warning perhaps that If limits are not respected the offender will be dumped.
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Offline dawnamber

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Re: Limits
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2020, 06:53:30 PM »
For me, actions scream honesty far more than words. If an agreed upon red-line limit is breached..for me personally? I'd stop things right there. I have been hurt far too much to give people three strikes. This isn't baseball

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Offline vander32
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Re: Limits
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2020, 02:58:02 PM »
For me if a hard limit is broken then the scene needs to end and at least a stern conversation needs to happen, decisions can be made after that. As amandablonde said sometimes things get carried away in the moment. If done again then no second chances. Not with this fetish, it is one of the ones where care needs to be taken to avoid accidentally causing massive damage, physically and mentally and emotionally.

Offline Brek

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Re: Limits
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2020, 11:32:28 PM »
Scene? 100%. Over. You need to have a conversation anyways so it's hard redlined. Even if you are feeling fine from it, it has to be understood that you may not have been. I've found myself pushed over lines I really felt uncomfortable about and it caused me slight consternation, and I am extremely mentally healthy.

Relationship/dynamic? It is absolutely up to you. For Amanda, she's willing to take that on. For Dawn, she isn't. Neither is wrong, per se, in my opinion. But you should feel no duty whatsoever to continue. It is absolutely within your discretion. And I agree that one maximum is the only reasonable limit. Anything beyond that and it's not really a red line.

Remember: Boundaries are about fairness for everyone. It's not just for you, it's for them too.

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Re: Limits
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2020, 01:36:32 PM »
For me, I'd ask why an agreed redline between us had been broken. And if, after talking, I wasn't confident of repetition, I would politely cease the scene. As we say over here, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Kalista.



Offline [Bubbles]

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Re: Limits
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2020, 04:22:16 PM »
For me, I'd ask why an agreed redline between us had been broken. And if, after talking, I wasn't confident of repetition, I would politely cease the scene. As we say over here, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Kalista.




Yea I wish I'd have only let her fool me once. But I WILL NEVER do a scene with her again. She said it was an honest mistake. But after the second time I just didn't feel safe anymore.
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Kalista
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Re: Limits
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2020, 05:20:22 PM »
Perception is reality and, equally, never be afraid of anybody.

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Offline Army of One

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Re: Limits
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2020, 06:25:48 PM »
If someone redlines without permission (breaks something that is an agreed-upon Red limit) should that immediately put an end to the scene (and possibly relationship?)
I actually thought that's what redlines were about: hard-and-fast no-go zones which were discussed beforehand. Like, if they start straying into the buffer zone around these limits, then that should be the point where you say, "Watch were you're stepping."

(As you can tell, I have zero clue on BDSM relationships.)
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Offline [Bubbles]

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Re: Limits
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2020, 06:42:31 PM »
If someone redlines without permission (breaks something that is an agreed-upon Red limit) should that immediately put an end to the scene (and possibly relationship?)
I actually thought that's what redlines were about: hard-and-fast no-go zones which were discussed beforehand. Like, if they start straying into the buffer zone around these limits, then that should be the point where you say, "Watch were you're stepping."

(As you can tell, I have zero clue on BDSM relationships.)

You're right, thats what redlines are SUPPOSED to be.

But the thing is D/s relationships are about trust so once the scene starts and I am in subspace it's hard to like re-assert myself and even though she went WELL past my redline I honestly couldn't stop it right away.
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Offline Brek

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Re: Limits
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2020, 07:12:08 PM »
Quote
Quote
ou're right, thats what redlines are SUPPOSED to be.

But the thing is D/s relationships are about trust so once the scene starts and I am in subspace it's hard to like re-assert myself and even though she went WELL past my redline I honestly couldn't stop it right away.

That's of course why they are especially important. You need to know that, when someone throws you into the deep end, they're good lifeguards with a rope and a life preserver. Because there has to be some give and take, when they take too much there has to be a clear set of understandings and a way for pushback. Otherwise, they get lost in Dom space too.

Offline Valleyvixin
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Re: Limits
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2021, 04:01:01 PM »
Trust is like virginity.  Once it is gone it is gone.

You can't unring a bell, you can't unpop a balloon and for you to continue to play with someone who blasted straight through a hard limit is to admit that you don't require your limits to be respected.  This just crossed from BDSM into 50 Shades of Abuse.

Ugly truth of abusive relationships, the second one is easier to explain.  The tenth is accepted.  The fiftieth both agree you deserved.  Don't ever start down that road.
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