[Brokenwing]

Having only once before drifted into this new topic are and realizing it only had one thread I thought I'd drop in and see if I could pull others to participate in this topic area.

For the last few weeks (and of course much longer) I have been struggling with my depression.  It got pretty tough over Memorial Day the two year anniversary of my foster mother's passing. 

I've been using RU as a mind distraction for those times when I'm not my biggest fan.

You all would laugh if you saw how I've been doing my writing, literally writing a few sentences, then doing something else then again writing a little more.  If you know how long my chapters are I you may start to get an idea what a struggle it's been to get new chapters posted.

I've also spent more time in the game room and the art appreciation forum just needing to distract my own thoughts.

I've also been on my first anti-depressent and was very hesitant to go on it.  One of the side effects of the new med is drowsiness so imagine how much that has contributed to the few sentences writing at a time issue. 

RU is definitely one of my great escapes as is writing.

I know I have struggled in reading other stories and posting comments on them.  I also have struggled sometimes in replying to PM's. 

So be patient with me. 

But I just want you all to know how much you all mean to me.  I'm currently seeing my therapist on a weekly basis so don't worry.

I just wanted to let y'all know, I thought of putting it in my blog but this seemed to be a good place too.

Knowing there are other rape survivors here as well as other child abuse survivors it also could help others.

Even though I should know better I've been ashamed to let you all know.  But got the nerve today.

[TheYellowKnight]

But I just want you all to know how much you all mean to me. 

And you mean so much to all of us.

[vile8r]

Brokenwing, I have fought with depression myself for about 11 years now. Not something I bring up a lot. I too went on anti-depressants for a several years. Not on them now. They gave me some other side effects, one of which was high BP, which I still struggle with, although the anti-depressants weren't the WHOLE cause of that, but they didn't help.

I have good times and bad times, and my writing and interactions online help me through the bad times. I heard a song the other day from my teenage days, and I began crying listening to it. That is what happens to me, even watching movies or TV I will get very spontaneously emotional. 

My depression stems from two divorces and also a boss at work who nearly gave me a nervous breakdown. And an incident of abuse when I was 9. It's just really been a lot of things compounding over the years.  Reading your post has given me the courage to come out and tell the people of RU that you're not alone.

I'm there for you Brokenwing 

Brokenwing, not going to lie by saying I know what your going through because i don't! All i can do is offer all the support i can give you. Anytime you would be up to simply talking about anything don't hesitate to contact me if i'm on here. I don't have any answers, but I've been told by a few members that I've both eyes and ears that knows when to keep quiet and when to open up!

[Grumpy]

Something like one in three gets severely depressed at some point in their lives, so know that you are not alone, and whatever struggles you're going through are not indefinite. Sometimes life just sucks. Or stands still. Or lacks a clear goal. You will get through it. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed for entire days, electing to sleep through them instead, during a particularly bad period, completely neglecting my responsibilities and putting myself in debt by doing so. It was bad. But you know what? I came out the other side, and so will you. I tried writing some rubbish here about "time heals all wounds", but it ended up being super pretentious and not what I intended it to be. I fail all the time. We all do. Then we get up again and do it one more time.

You all would laugh if you saw...

No, we wouldn't. You are enough. I know I'm new here, but I feel I can safely say that we would have your back no matter what you say. Because we accept you for who you are and we wouldn't pressure you to be something you're not. Writing a story on RU should bring catharsis, release, excitement or any other positive feeling - it should not be a chore that you struggle with. If you feel those positive emotions writing a few sentences at a time, that's not a failure, that's great!

Anyway, great that you're sharing. That, I think, is a great step in the right direction.

[Brokenwing]

Thank you all for your kind replies.  I love you all and appreciate your love back.

Thank you for sharing some of your own experiences.  It definitely helps to know I'm not the only one. 

Will try to keep you all up to date how things go.  The good news is I am getting out of bed, working and hanging out with my friends so I haven't shut down. 

Thanks for the love. 

[vile8r]

Even just doing those things, Brokenwing, is a big step!  Keep it up!

Sweet Brokenwing,

We All fight one minute at a time. And all of us deal with the Spectre of depression in our own ways. For Me, it's three hours and about 300 rounds of ammunition. Sometimes I cry like a kid, sometimes I go to the gym, and beat on a heavy bag until My hands bleed. Sometimes I just sit in a quiet corner and let all the sadness and anger wash over Me....

We All Love you, Sweet Brokenwing, and we All empathize with your plight. We All fight......


Tony V.                     

Brokenwing

Your stories are top tier . The fact you opened up to us is also top tier. Add to that the fact you know you need help and are actively treating it, is also top tier. I commend you for everything. I treat people with depression every day. Ironically I too suffer from bouts of it. It's insidious in that just when you think you have a handle on it, something else drops you back down. Unlike most of my colleagues I do not think depression is ever really cured. Memories, anniversary dates. And life in general are all triggers. But learning to make depression work for you, instead of beating you down, is the best course. Most of my colleagues also think that's foolish. Embracing depression. What utter nonsense they'll say. But it's true. I've suffered one form of it or another since my rape at age 12. I no longer take medicine, but still battle the depressive episodes. One tool I use is writing. And looking at gifs. And reading stories. And blogging. But easily the best advice I can give is...


Be honest with your therapist. They can only help you if you're open with them.

And take your meds. The side effects will lessen in time and you won't notice it.

And last but not least... get out of yourself. If you immerse yourself in someone else's issues, or extend your mind to think about others.. you cannot think about what you're feeling. It's not possible. And depression is a learned response. It's a self defense mechanism we found helps us in bad times. If you learn new things, the depressive episodes will become scarce.

I adore you dear and will add you to my prayer list

dawn