Author

Lower case i, in the character codes, because they're young.  Neither a b, nor a g, so i for intersex.

;

It felt weird, I felt weird for the first time in my life.  I guess I felt normal, before they started growing, and the boys noticed first.  So, I had to wear a shirt, even when they took their's off, or they'd pinch them, and make fun of them.

I'm getting boobs, like a girl, and now I feel like a freak.  I don't want to be a freak, I just want to go back to before, when everything was normal.  So, I hid them.  My friend's got a little sister, Ellie's getting them too, and when nobody was looking I swiped her training bra.  It's funny, because she's in elementary, but after school, we went over to hang out at his house, from the middle school, and I just saw it lying there with her clothes.  So, I swiped it, and went in the bathroom to put it on.

It was really tight, but it flattened me out, so I could wear a shirt over them.  It was hot, and I wish I could just take them both off, with the air conditioner off, but then they can see it, and call me freak, and pinch them.  I hate that, it hurts so much, and even when they don't, sometimes they hurt.  I left, and went home.  Afraid someone would see it, and Ellie'd find out I stole her underwear, but I needed it.  They're really starting to stick out through my shirt without it.

I cried, too, like a baby.  Remembering all the things they called me.  Girl, and girl stuff, but I don't want to be a girl, I'm a boy, and I always was a boy, and what's wrong with me?  Why is my body doing this to me?  It's even worse outside, it's hot, and I just want to take this hot thing off.  It's getting sweaty, but I can't or someone will see them.  My boobs, and what's with boobs anyway?

What's with the boys, the normal boys, and boobs?  They want to look at them, but I hate them.  They'd probably not want to see them so bad if they were getting some, I guess that's why girls don't care about them so much.  Big deal, boobs.  Well, it is a big deal, when you're getting them, and even grownup men looked at me like a girl.  Before I got this training bra to flatten out my chest, so they stuck out my shirt, and I didn't even know them.

Just some guys, on the street, or on the bus.  At the diner when we went out to breakfast, and the waiter kept staring, but now nobody's looking.  I walked right past a guy, and I wiped my tears off, because I stopped crying, but it was such a relief.  He just kept walking, he didn't even look at me, because I looked normal again.  So, it's not bad, even if it's too hot to wear 2 layers, and sweaty.  At least dad didn't notice yet, and now he's never gonna.  The way he looks at other lady's boobs, and makes mom upset.  

At least Ellie lived close, so I could just go up to my room, lock the door, and make sure the curtains are tight over the window.  Take this dang thing off.  "Huh!"  That's better.  I think it's too tight, under them.  I wish I had a mirror to see the lines, but I can feel them where the bottom of it was too tight, and dug into my ribs, but I can feel it.  I'd have to put a shirt on, go in the bathroom, and take it off.  Then climb up where I can see in the medicine cabinet, but I don't want to go out.

I just want to be left alone, but I think the lines are starting to go away, and I had to laugh.  "Ha ha," a little but not giggle, and titter like a little girl.  I'm a young man, but it's funny how he used to send me to my room, as punishment.  Ground me, that was normal, but now I'd rather be in here alone, where I can enjoy the air conditioner, and nobody can see me.  My weird freaky body, and the lines going away under them.  I'm glad, now I don't have to go in the bathroom, and look at them.

Instead, I can get out the bricks.  They're just bricks I brought in from the yard, but they're heavy.  Heavy enough to put my elbows on the bed, and flex my arms.  "Huh, huh!"  Make them big and strong, it'll take years, but I already started, and I can already see the difference when I work out.  "Yeah."  Stop, and feel the muscles bulge.  With my hands, and now I can put a shirt on.  Go in the bathroom, and hold my arms up.  Flexing, and grinning at my face.  Big and strong with my chest too low to see in the mirror.  

I'm sweaty though, so I better take a shower before I start to stink.

;

Author

I'll probably get to the Rape, and/or other sexual assault, but try to imagine the emotional affects of your body basically sexually betraying you.  Like this, to the point that an otherwise normal healthy teenage boy doesn't like breasts.  Isn't interested in them, doesn't want to look at them, even starts to hate and resent them.  That's why I write these stories, because it's so alien normal people can't understand it.  Neither can we, which is ultimately why we commit suicide.  There's no escape from ourselves, that's why we feel trapped, imprisoned in our bodies, because they're wrong in some way that' like a constant sexual assault.  

Even without grown men looking at us like they look at little girls.  I'm also writing this for a friend.

Frank came over, and I told him my brother wasn't home.  "I know," he said, "Can I talk to you?"  He goes to school with him, and sometimes comes over to play, or do homework together, but he never really talked to me before. 

"What about?"

"Well, it's private.  Can we go talk in your room?  In private."

"Oh, kay?"  I'm not supposed to have boys in my room, but I didn't see mom, and dad, so I snuck him in, then he busted out crying right away.  "Oh, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry.  I stole your underwear, I just didn't know what else to do!"

I was so shocked, and felt really weirded out all of a sudden.  "Why?"  I heard about it, mom warned me about boys trying to get in my underwear, and I always wondered why they'd want to do that, but it never happened to me before.

"Uh!"  He just sat down, and shook his head.  His arms crossed, like he was mad, but instead, he just kept crying.  "Snh!  I can't."

"Here."  I got out a tissue, and gave him it.  "Wipe your nose."

He blew it too, and threw it away, but that ment uncrossing his arms, and before his shirt fell down.  "Did you stuff socks in your shirt or something?"  I didn't think anything about it before, it's just his style.  Wearing button-up shirts all the time, like some boys always wear teeshirts, or some girls would rather wear pants. 

"No, uh.  I guess it's all right, if you're a girl."  He got up, and pulled the drapes over my window first.  "If you promise not to tell anyone."

"I can't."  I shook my head.  Mom told me about this too.  Boys that want me to keep secrets, especially weird secrets, about my body.  Like a boy that took my underwear, but then he lifted up his shirt and showed me.

"Oh, hahah?"  I covered up my mouth, when he started crying again, and sat down on my bed.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to laugh, you just surprised me.  When you said my underwear, I thought you ment my panties."  Mom always said underpants. 

He shook his head, "Why would I want your panties?"

"I don't know," she never explained that part.  It's gross, with pee, and poop residue, and butt sweat.  Ew.  "Why did you take my Camisole?"

"What's a camisole?"

"You know, the undershirt, you're wearing?"

"Oh, that.  I thought it was a training bra."

"It is, that's just another word for it."  I don't want to say bra, is all.  It's like panties, I don't know why I said panties earlier, instead of underpants.  It's dirty, and I guess I was thinking about how dirty it is.  A boy, who wants to get in my underpants.  "So what's with boys and underwear, anyway?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.  "Huh!  I guess it's not the underwear so much as what's in them."

I giggled, "Buts?"

"No, boobs."

"I don't have any, yet."

"Then how come you got training bras?"

"To get used to it?  That's why it's called a training bra."  It's funny, but all this talking about underwear made me feel a little less weirded out about talking about underwear.  Which is weird, because he came in here because he stole my underwear.  Did I forget?   

"I, uh.  Well, I don't yet, but I'm starting to."

"What?"

"Grow boobs."

"No."  I thought he just stuffed something in there.  Like I did, when I first got my camisole, since they're supposed to get me used to it when I have some, to hold in them.  I used socks, and a bunch of my friends tried them on, and stuffed socks in there.  Giggling, and prancing around like grownups with boobs.

"Huh!"  He took off his shirt, and my camisole.  To give it back, but also, he showed me.  Sure enough, they were small, but even his nipples were swollen, and he rubbed the lines under them, where the tight top dug in.  Crossed his arms, and said he was "Sorry."  Again, for taking my underwear, but.  I didn't know what was going on.  It was just weird, weird enough that a boy stole it in the first place, but who ever even heard of a boy getting boobs in the first place?

He sobbed again.  For a long time, but I just said it, was "Okay.  Huh, it's okay, you can keep it.  If it means that much to you, go ahead and put it back on."

"It hurts."  He shook his head.

"Then why do you wear it?"

"To hide them.  To make me flat, and normal, like a boy again."  He sobbed, "I just want to feel normal again."  Well, that explains why he always wore button up shirts.  To hide them, just like he said, it was just so weird, doing something so weird as stealing my underwear to feel normal, but mom warned me about that.  I didn't understand it, but at least I expected that.  Now, thank goodness he was putting his shirt back on, so he looked like a boy again.  Instead of a short haired girl, topless on my bed.  I had friends, with boobs like that, and saw them changing before, but they're girls.  I never even imagined a boy sitting topless in my room, with the marks from wearing my camisole, and when he left I couldn't stop thinking about them.

The tight elastic around my chest, and back, and shoulders.  I did get used to it, by now.  That's what it's for, I'd been wearing them long enough I just forgot it was there.  Like my underwear, you don't think about your underwear, it's just there, but it felt uncomfortable again.  So, when he left I took it off, and put my top back on.  Not like I need it, being so skinny, and flat, you can barely even see my nipples unless you look for them, because they're so tiny, and the same color as the rest of me.

I got a good look though, and they even bent around them.  His boobs, it just makes me feel so weird.  Seeing his boobs, and the lines bent around them, instead of in straight lines, like I've got from wearing it.  I think I understand him hiding them, though.  They already call him freaky Franky, and they don't even know he's got boobs, do they?  I don't know, boys walk around topless all the time, and I bet they change around each other too.

I just hug my chest, imagining what they must be like.  No wonder he cried, that must be horrible!

;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUdFMV7yqYA

"What?"  I turned it down.  Some kid, straight laced, buttoned up to the collar.  

"Why's your hair so long?"  Mop-headded too.  Like that Beetle's cut, or the Ramones?  Bangs all the way around, brown.

"For head-banging," I turned it up, and showed him.

"Oh, what do you do that for?"  

I swept it back, out of my face, and pulled my hat back on.  "Because it's metal.  It's badass."

"Like your jacket."  He pointed.  What the hell, I was a little kid once.  It's a little annoying, but I bet I was too, once.

"You like it?"

"Yeah, it's leather."

"Yeah, I know."  Customized it myself.  With spiked shoulders, and band patches.  I pulled out the side, and turned, to show him.  "You like Sepultura?"

"Is that who it is?"  He kinda rocked, at the shoulders, and the knees.  

"Yeah."  Shift it back on my shoulders, and pull out the sides.  "Isn't it hot?"

"The jacket?  Not too bad, you get used to it."

"And your hair."  He felt his on the side.  "Mine makes my head sweat.  It doesn't look girly, if it's Metal."

"No?" tell my dad that.  "Fuck no, of course not.  It's brutal."

"Yeah."

No, like this."  I turned it up, and headbanged.  He tried it too, but then he rubbed his neck.

The solo's almost over anyway.  He sat back, and looked behind me.  "That from a teeshirt?"

"Yeah, I saw them, last summer.  At the ampitheater?"  I shrugged, "Yeah, they played for Ozfest, and then they came back out to the sound stage, and played as Soulfly."  Show him my new tee-shirt.  "I don't have any of them, but here."  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3GWaeWFNNQ

Pop the tape out, and put in Roots Bloody Roots.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSuyuVEHby8

Already had it queued up.  "They sound kinda like this."  Shrug, "I think they're turning into Soulfly, instead of Sepultura, but I'm getting into their new sound."

"You go to the high school?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I kinda like this one, better."  he headbanged a little.  "Oh, I'm gonna be a freshman, this year."

"Oh, cool.  Hey, you want a Sepultura teeshirt?"

"Yeah," he looked down, "Why?"

"I got one, it's too small."  Cut up the Schizophrenia one, "I got the Chaos AD tape back at home."

"It's like this?"

"More like the first one you heard.  Hang on."  I switched tapes again, "They got another version of this song."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_x5CZc1dG4

This one's way better, though.  I like their new sound, and I wish I was lucky enough to have someone kick me down some tunes, when I was first getting into it.

;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEQnzs8wl6E

Dad came in, "Sorry," I turned it down.

"It's all right, this one's not too bad, but."  Sat down, and put his arm around my shoulders.  "Your mother and I are a little worried about you.  So, she decided I should come in and have a talk with you.  Are you all right?"

"Yeah, fine?"  I got used to them.  "Why?"

"Well, you've just been acting a little depressed, lately, and listening to that loud, devil music.  You're not turning into a satanist on me," he joked, "Are you?"

"Haha, no.  Uh, you think you could get me that leather jacket, for my birthday?"  Dreading this day, but I'd given it a lot of thought.  How to get around to the conversation, I've been dreading.  "Before school."

"You don't turn 14 until September."

"Yeah, I know, but.  Huh!"  Just shake my head, "It's important, and I need to talk to a doctor, I think."

"A doctor, what about?"

"Huh!"  I just squirmed out of his arm, and pulled my shirt up.  Over my face, it's the Meggadeth Rust in Peace one, but I couldn't say it.  I didn't have to, I let them speak for themselves.  Alone in my room, I took the tight top off, and left off my over-shirt.  Like a jacket, only not buttoned up.  If I slouch enough, with the bra on, then nobody sees them.

He didn't say anything.  For quite a while, so I put my shirt back down, and lay back.

"Son, why do, you have breasts?"

"I don't know!"  I tried not to cry, then cried into my hands, "But I can't go to gym class, or the boys will see, and touch me, and grab them, nhm hm hn!"

"Oh my god, wh?  What the ph.  I don't, know what to say."

"Me neither, just call the doctor, will you?  I need a note, to get out of gym class!"

"All right, okay, I'm going!"

Finally he left my room.  So I could curl up, hug my knees, and cry in peace.

;

He called the house.  Crying, "L. E?"  I knocked on her door.  

"What?"  Woke her up from a nap.  

"He wants to talk to you," I tossed the phone on the bed, and shut the door.  That Frankie, he tries to act so tough, but just to cover up how whiney, and wussy he is.  I stopped hanging out with him, but he's not putting the moves on my sister, is he?  Just to make sure, I took the kitchen phone in the den, to listen in.  

"I'm done with it, so you can have it back.  Snh!"

"It wouldn't fit me any more, anyway.  I'm up to an A, how about you?"

"Almost a B."  Never really helped, he just sucked at history.  So, our teacher put us together, and I helped him out.  What she even sees in him, he's stupid too.

"Huh!"  I went to the doctor, finally.  Mom, and dad know, so she took me out shopping."

"Uh!"  I rolled my eyes.  

"DENNY!  Hang up.  This is private."

"Well, you're not supposed to have a boyfriend anyway."

"Great, now he hung up.  I hope you're happy!"

"Yeah, if it keeps him out of your pants, I am!"  I went back in the kitchen, and hung up.  

"Denny!'  She stomped right out, and pushed me.

"Ow, MOM!"

"Kids, stop fighting.  Now what's this about?"

"Ellen's got a boyfriend."

"No I don't, he's not my boyfriend, and you were listening on a private conversation!"  Mom grabbed her, and pulled her back.  "Let GO of me!"

"Stop pushing your brother around."

"Well you didn't seem to mind it when he pushed me around!' Ever since she got hormonal.  "And quit looking at my tits!"  She crossed her arms.

"ELLEN!"  

"Well, he does, all the time, and I'm sick of it!"

"Go to your room!"

I grinned.  Straightened up my face before she turned around.  "Now, what's this about you looking at your sister?"

"I wasn't.  Not like that, mom.  Jesus.'

"Don't blaspheme!"

"Ow!"  She slapped me?  "Why do you think she's turning into such ab."  Almost caller her a bitch, "Bully, mom?"  Waiting for her to hit me again, but she didn't.

"Don't you turn this around on me, young man.  Have you been peeping in on your sister?"

"No?"

"Go to your room." She pointed down the hall, and stomped off ahead of me, to talk to her first.

"Shoot!"  Not really, I didn't mean to.  Now I'm in so much trouble, but it's not like I was looking in her windows, or trying to see her in the bathroom, naked.  She always wore a shirt, but she's getting boobs, and I noticed.  Big deal.

;

"No, mom.  Not like that, nothing like that.  Huh!  Just, you know.  Just like any other boy, and mostly just my friends'."  Just my luck, I grew up before I grew out, "He just did it, just then, and it'p.  Ticked me off."  

"And what's this about you having a boyfriend?  Is it that juvenile delinquent, Franky?"

"No, mom.  I told you, he's just a friend, he's not like that.  You don't know him."  

"Well, you know I don't want you having any friends, like that."

"No, you don't want me having any friends at all!"

"Now, Ellen."

"Don't now Ellen me, Helen."  So, we started another fight.  So finally she slammed the door, and stormed out, but the long and short of it was now I'm grounded.  "Uh!"

Forget that, I jumped out the window, and went to see him.  Talk to him, after all we didn't barely even begin our conversation, and sure I'd literally seen him around.  We never really got to talk, after that day.  He's lucky he's an only child, so he doesn't have to worry about his nerdy brother cock blocking for him, just his mom and dad, but it's weird.  Okay?  I kinda needed some time to think about them, and then he calls me out of the blue again, to give my old training bra back.

I have to laugh, it's kind of funny too, him having bigger ones than me, but A, he's a couple years older, and B I'm a late bloomer, so he started earlier.  Just like my 'big' brother.  He's just mad because he's little, and still gets picked on for it, being the smallest kid in high school, I bet, but I'd been over to his house before.  Oh, and being a history nerd, and a bore, and.  A big butthole.

"Hello?"  His mom answered the door.  "Can I help you?"  Shook her head.

"Yeah, can I talk to Frances?"

"Sure, he's up in his room."  Just held it open for me.  Closed it behind us, "He doesn't have friends over, any more."

"Oh, kay?"

"It's just nice, he's been a little depressed, and lonely."  She touched my shoulder, "I'm hoping you'll cheer him up."  She knocked, "Frances, there's a friend her to see you?"

"I don't want to see anybody."  He turned on some loud music.  Really loud.

"It's me, Ellen?"

"Oh!" He surprised me.  Slamming open the door, and hugging me so suddenly, I thought he grabbed me.

"Uh, turn that noise off!"

"Sorry mom."  he closed the door, and hit the tape deck.  "I'm so glad you came."

"So," I held my hands.  "What did you want to talk about?"

"Uh, huh!'  He flopped down on his bed, and just bounced.  I pulled out the chair from under the desk, and just sat down.  "Well, i talked to the doctor.  My mom got me a doctor, for my condition?"

"What is it?"

"Gynecomastia, they call it.  He's not sure."  He leaned over, "If it's gonna go away, or if it's."  He shuffled through some papers.  "Here, uh.'  he sat back, and turned it over.  Aromatase Exess Sysndrome."  Shook his head.

"Uh," he had his jacket off.  "I like your jacket?"  I hadn't seen him with it off, for a while.  he always wears it outside, but now he had it hanging up, and his shirt sleeve pulled up, when he reached over.  "Have you been working out?"

He looked down, flexed, and nodded.  "A little."

I blinked, "You look, really strong."  Hard to believe he'd changed so much.  After avoiding him so long, all summer, and, now I'm staring.  Shaking my head, and feeling my face heat up.  "Uh, so.  Good."  i nodded, "That's good then."

"I kinda like them."  he nodded.  Leanded back on the bed, and felt up his teeshirt.  "Now."  Squeezed them, through the picture, then let his hands back down.  [Faith No More]  Sagged down, between them, and he shrugged.  I got weirded out again, but I played it off, and he shrugged.  "It just took a while to get used to, them.  My tits."

"Yeah, huh.  You're not wearing a bra."  I could tell.

"Yeah, I don't like to around the house.  Just whenever I go out."

"Well, you want to put one on, and go out?"

"Yeah, huh!"  he got up, "Give me a second."  He just took off his shirt, but i looked at his back.  Ripple, and the bones in his shoulders, pulling the straps up, and sticking his elbows back.  "You want to hook me up?"

"Yeah."    "Sure."  I don't have anyone else to talk to, about.  This, these, thoughts, and the thing about a guy that can talk about his feelings is he can also listen to me, talk about feelings, I don't want to talk about.  Not here, at least he pulled his jacket on, too.  "Lets go."  He got the door.

;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5FSLgKD5J4

I took my CD player with us, the batteries were all charged up.  Since I mostly play it in my room anyway, but changed the album.  So we could talk, in private.  I could tell it was something private, and I hoped it would take my mind off of my problems.  "So, what's this about?"

"Rape."

"Excusemewhat?"    No such luck.

"Huh!  I've been thinking about it a lot, lately."  She held her arms, cradling her chest in them like a baby.  

"Why, were you, assaulted?"

"No, I.  And that's a good thing, right?"

"Why, do you.  Want to?"

"I don't know?  I keep trying to think of some reason, that makes sense, but it doesn't never go nowhere."

   Double, no.  Triple negative?    "Wha, uh?  Who?"

"I don't know, just some guys.  Whenever they look at me, uh!  Whenever one looks at me, like they do the other girls.  Huh!"  She just realised, "I guess, since you're the only guy that doesn't.  Sneek peaks at boobs, because you've got some to look at, and play with whenever you like?"

"Yeah," I had to grin, "Hahuh!  Just lucky, I guess."  The luckiest guy in the whole world, once I got over it.  I'm just waiting for the meds to kick in, and get a handle on my mood swings.  Hormones, let me tell you crying for no reason all the time got old real fast.  

"I don't know.  I just started thinking about, what they must be thinking about.  Looking at girls, and.  Huh!  Grabbing me, and when you grabbed me."

"I didn't grab you."

"Well, you hugged me, just now.  In the hall?"

"Oh, I was just so happy to see you.  I'm sorry."

"Don't be.  Nobody ever grabbed me like that before."

;

"Oh."  At least we went off somewhere private before he started crying again.  "There, there."  I patted his shoulder.

"Uh!  Snh!  I guess I was lucky."  he shook his head, "He didn't rape me.  He tried to, but he."  Nodding, and gulping, "He grabbed me.  He talked about how he mistook me for a girl, talking about music because she was interested in him, but.  Huh, he.  He couldn't make it.  So, he let me go."

"Then what?"

"He gave me a bunch of teeshirts, and mixed tapes.  To shut me up, I thanked him, politely, and got the heck out of there.  Huh!  This was months ago."  He waved it off, "Just hormones, I'm over it."  Pulled a purse pack of kleenex out of his jacket, and wiped his nose first.  Wadded it up, and got his eyes.  "It's a side effect, we still don't know what of, but they thought I was bipolar."

"What's that?"

"It's like Manic-depressive?"

"Oh, huh!"

He just pitched the wadded up tissue.  "Well, enough about my problems.  You're not gonna do anything self destructive, or risky, huh?"

"I don't know.  You mean like something that could get me attacked?"  Shake my head, "I don't think so.  I don't want to get hurt, for real.  I just can'y help thinking about it.  Not all the time, but it happened enough to start to worry me."

"Yeah, me too."

"You think about it too?"

"Yeah, like you said.  Not all the time, but with all the other stuff going on in my head."  He did that loopy thing with his finger.  "And what nearly happened to me."

"Boys."

"Yeah, huh!  Snh!"  He got out cigarettes.  

"You smoke?"

"Just started."  He shrugged, "Sometimes makes me feel better.  You want some?"  He squinted, held it back.  "How old are you?"

"Twelve?  Almost thirteen, just give me it."  I didn't inhale, but you know it's cool?  About time I started, anyway.  

"How long you been smoking?"

I didn't cough, just blew it out of my mouth.  "Who, uh!  Just tried it, how can you stand that, taste?"

He shrugged, took another drag, and blew it out his nose.  "You get used to it."

"Uh, you know when I said, I didn't think it, about anyone?  In particular, just random guys, that looked at me?"

"Uh huh?"

"Well," that was before, "Huh!  I," shrug, "I guess it's just because the guys that look at me are creepy.  Not like you at all, you're cool, and.  You know, we get to cry together.  I hope you don't mind me saying this, but, your."  Muscles, "Well not like the sister I never had.  Huh, it's not like, I'd have any idea what having a sister would be like, but you're not like my brother, at all."

"How so?"

"Well, he's, you know.  My brother?"

"Yeah, you know that, so what?"

"Well, you're so much bigger, and stronger.  He's a shrimp, you know that."

"I never gave him any shit about it."  

"Yeah, that's what I mean.  You are so big, and strong now, but I know you won't hurt me.  I trust you."

"Huh, you shouldn't."  He pushed me off.

"What?  Why?"

"Because I'm not like me.  Like this, all the time.   Yeah, sometimes I'm weepy, and sensitive, but that's not the times when I.  Huh, you just don't know me, that well.  And you shouldn't trust boys you don't know like that."

He got up, and carried his radio off with him.  "Uh!"     I've never been so horny in my whole life.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxFlaS64FiI&list=PL8Lpw39GxwbN1r0B8kbq6S5QQvxhtNz7o&index=3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is3RAL0gGO0&index=5&list=PL8Lpw39GxwbN1r0B8kbq6S5QQvxhtNz7o

"Huh!"  I skipped ahead to one of the songs they don't mind so much.  I'm not the biggest fan of Surprise!  You're Dead, anyway.  "I need a walkman."  Just carried it back to my room.

Why couldn't I just tell her?  Yeah, but it's not the same.  She's having fantasies about Being raped.  The whole time all I was afraid of was him finding out.  It, my penis, and balls, and how he'd react to that.  Then, whenever I see him around, how could she possibly want something like that to happen to her?  It was horrible, and at least having something real to cry about is a pretty small consolation for being grabbed, and assaulted.  I shudder to think about what would have happened if he kept going, and found out I wasn't a girl.  At least he doesn't recognize me, or he didn't when he looked right past me.

Checked out another girl, or.    A real girl, with even bigger tits, I think she goes to highschool with him, but.  "Uh!  High School SUCKS!"

And now there's this 12 year old girl practically daring me to.  What, grab her?  Yeah, I'm greatful for her giving me my first camisole, when I was.  "Damn it!"  They still have to make up words for all this.  Not doctor words like gynecomastia, but it's not as if I'm less of a man, just because I make too much, so my body can't process it all, and the excess breaks down to estradiol.  

"Teslac, Testolactone."  I just threw the bottle back, in the medicine cabinet, and didn't slam the door.  trying not to think about it, when she was just right there.  In my room, and getting all hot and bothered, looking at my arms.  "Nghuh!"  Swallow it, and cup another handful of water out.  

Estrogen inhibiter.  It's a steroid, but a corticol one, not anabolic.  I think that means it's not like the steroids athletes take to bulk up, I don't know, I'm not a doctor, and I don't speak Doctor.  It's all so confusing, but it's better then thinking about her, when she's so young.  And she looks maybe 11, only taller.  The tallest one in elementary school is still an elementary school girl, but she's so skinny, and pretty, and.  "Huh!"

Hot for me.  "She doesn't know me that well."  But it took my mind off of my other problems.  I should probably concentrate on not raping her anyway.  Better go jerk off before dinner.

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