I've heard many other victims say that exact same thing, Katey. I've also heard of women who deal with the trauma by doing "something truly self-destructive," too, so I hope the fantasies help you and keep you safe. Lean on us, your fellow students and hopefully, friends.
I just have to say, Dire Wolf, I love your icon! It's so cute, I just want to hug it. And by extension, I kinda want to hug you.
Ahem to get back on the topic of this post, I have my suspicions that my anal rape fantasies came from something that happened to me as a child that wasn't rape, but was ... well humiliating and painful in a kind of sexual way, even though it wasn't in a sexual situation. (Because enemas are kinda sexual, right?) Anyway, I don't fantasize about myself being raped and I don't even want to have anal sex at all, irl, but I do have fantasies about other, fictional women and men being anally raped, and I think it might be because I was forced to have enemas as a child. Actually, being anally raped irl is like the thing I'm most afraid of. I remember how much those enemas hurt and how humiliating they were and I can only imagine how much more painful and humiliating it would be if it had been a penis. But I like reading about it happening to fictional people, for some reason. I guess I like fantasizing about fictional people suffering my worst nightmare? Idk, my brain is weird.