Author Topic: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic  (Read 6888 times)

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2019, 10:12:28 AM »
The first thing I will say is that a Master/Mistress Slave dynamic is very very different, and much harder to maintain, then that with a sub. Personally, I hate being called master anyway, but I have owned Slaves and I have had a sub.

With any DS relationship the bottom (sub slave whatever) needs to feel safe at all times, emotionally, and physically. Just because they are a slave does not mean they have no say, does not mean they have no input. It means that they accept there point of view may be ignored, but they always have the right to put it across. At the end of the day a bottom gives there submission to there top, it isnt taken and it is important for the master/Dom etc to always ensure they remember and appreciate that fact and most importantly, keep there charge safe.

Now When adding a 3rd, 4th or nth to a relationship as a Dom the first thing I always ask myself, and always expect my existing subs/slaves to ask me is. Do you have the time, can you put in the effort and can you make sure I get the same care, attention and focus as I do now. Owning a Slave takes alot of effort on the doms part, you are generaly making decisions for 2, taking them into account for every little thing, because, they are less likely to speak up and disagree, are we going out tonight, I can say yes and she will come, but, I need to remember, she is on her period and having pains, so no, dancing tonight is probably not something she will enjoy so no we wont be going out. I make that decision for us and jsut make it, knowing that talking to her about it, or explaining will make her feel guilty that she is on her period.

That is just one example of the constant stream of decision making i had to make every day when I owned a slave, could I do that for 2, no, so it is imperative the Dom knows they can take on the additional responsibility of making decisions now. If the 2 slaves connect and become like sisters it can work very well.

Now If the Dom takes on a partner who is also a top, or possibly a switch, the dynamic can work very well, but, the slave has to feel she has been involved in the decision. Yes ultimately it is Sirs choice, but, does she like this person, does this person like her, will either feel threatened. How will the rules around alone time for the slave work, will she submit to both or, as she did with sir, will she be allowed to decide when she offers her collar to her new mistress? If a switch how will that work, will she always be alpha to slave, or, in sub mode will they be equals?

Now we come to the hardest circle to square, a Dom with a Slave takes on a Sub, the sub has a different rule set, a different mentality but is not inherently dom so she can't dom the slave, the Dom has to work out how that dynamic works. he needs to again ensure his time will be split equally, but, the existing slave does not feel like she now gets half his attention and time it can be hard.

Where I have seen polyamory work very well is within either a sub couple, where each have there own dom/domme, a couple where the Dom can't give the sub all she wants and needs, maybe she has a little side and he is not into that, maybe she loves pain and he is a rope master. So they add another to fill that hole. Or 2 Dom's in a couple who each have their own subs.

In almost every situation I have seen where a Dom has taken on additional subs/slaves as more then just a play partner I have always seen it start out really well, and then crash down as one or sometimes both subs feel neglected and unloved due to him being unable to split his time.

I will say Females Doms (Domme's) seem to handle multiple slaves/subs much much better, whether it is the nature of the different dynamic, or they are better at multitasing I am not sure.

As an aside polyamory can be a way for the problems of meeting someone in the BDSM world to be reduced.

In the Vanilla world you meet someone, you have the same interests, your personalities mesh, you are attracted to each other great off we go.

In the DS world, you meet someone and they tick all your vanilla boxes, attracted to them, there personality is perfect, they like the same things and it all works great and then.

I am a sub, oh so am I, this wont work with just the 2 of us.
I love rope, I hate it, oh this wont work
I love someone worshipping my feet, I have a fear of feet
I am a sadist, i really dont do pain
I want a cuckold/cuckquean, I cant bare the thought of another man/women near you
I love Latex, I am allergic
I love ageplay, ummm sorry no not for me

it goes on, so many couples who in the vanilla world would be perfect, but there kinks/dynamics dont mesh and so the relationship is doomed. So in this case, poly can be seen as a way to allow the 2 people to get what is missing.