Author Topic: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic  (Read 6889 times)

Offline Lois

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Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« on: January 24, 2011, 01:58:37 PM »
This is another class I attended at the South West Leather Conference.  The description is provided below:

Quote
It can be difficult to balance the needs of different sorts of people within a Master/slave relationship. The aim of this class is to give participants some tools to help them navigate a successful journey with M/s when one or both of the people involved is poly. It is possible to be happy, healthy poly folks in a M/s dynamic and Master Kristina and slave Fink will give practical advice and a general understanding of the pitfalls and joys of such a lifestyle.
Presented by: Master Kristina & slave Fink

Unfortunately I lost my notes, but from what I remember the discussion talked about the following:

Sexual orientation includes people that are polyamorous by nature.  Poly is Greek for many.  Amorous is Latin for love.  Thus it defines a relationship with "many loves".

Jealousy is a problem in such relationships, and so is envy.  It is important to realize that Jealousy and envy are not the same.  Jealousy comes from selfishness, while envy comes from not having your needs met, or wanting more without depriving anyone else.  Accordingly Jealousy is bad, but envy is a sign that you need to communicate what you need.

There is also a word that is considered the opposite of jealousy and it is "compersion" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion  In short compersion means being happy for your partner(s) in poly relationships.

I wish I could remember more.  Please add any thoughts you might have.


So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

rockie00
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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2011, 10:53:46 PM »
I have had the opportunity to be in a m/s relationship, but have always backed away at some point because of my fear of being addicted to it in a way I may not be able to walk away from. The characteristics of such a relationship are desirable to me and I have enjoyed them immensley but my sense of independence always stops me from fully commiting.
I'm in what you call a polyamorous now and have been for a number of years. He is away much of the time ( out of the country)and we have no secrets. We don't flaunt what we do when we are away from each other, but we both know. I have never been jealous but I'm aways envious of the women he spends his time with when he is not with me. He is a unique man. He says that by having this type of relationship there is always the possibility that I will meet someone closer to my age that I can grow old with. He is nearly 60 and I'm 34.
I doubt that I've added anything to this conversation but I just felt like joining in. Thanks Rockie

Offline Gryphin_Rampant

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2011, 01:26:37 AM »
My first introduction to "polyamory" was my father who cheated on my mother from about the 4th year of their marriage on out. He never stopped.  Well, ok, that was not officially "polyamory".  I agree and do not dispute in any way that cheating has anything to do with it, er, well, um, except something I learned from him.  In his day the capacity to love more than one person was 100% inconceivable by most of society and yet in the arguments I could not fail to overhear that was my father's position.
"I love you and I love her" or words / concepts to that affect.
< let's not argue that my mother should have left him - that is irrelevant to this discussion >

My introduction was being in love with "M" but feeling I could have more and knowing she would never agree.   I was formally introduced to the concept of polyamory and compersion after my 2nd marriage. 
30 day dating, she moves in
3 weeks later "we have to talk"
Ruh Roh
She said solemnly "I have to tell you 3 things"
1) I never want vanilla sex again  - Works for me. Don't forget, I'm the Dom
2) I am bisexual - Damn, you mean I get to have 3somes? - Yes and moresomes
3) I am polyamorus - um, er, is that contagious? - let me explain
Ok, so, let me get this straight or bi or whatever,
No jealously
No envy
No possessiveness
Um, and this is an issue?
The next two years were filled with wonder, fantasy fulfillment and a firm realization that I was easily able to love more than one person sans those three demons my father had to face.  I had no problem kissing my love on the lips and giving her a warm hug as she went out the door to her "secondary" - damn I dislike that word.
Today with my love I maintain physical monogamy by choice and refuse to swear it is permanent. She knows I am in love with my high school love as I hide nothing.  It is tertiary to note that while she is emotionally and physically monogamous her deceased husband was more like my father.  He had at least one other love which he did not hide.

My point:
Whether learned or genetic I am polyamorous and fortunate to have found a woman who accepts this even if she is a bit jealous and just a little possessive. 


Offline Tripp-N

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2012, 10:01:45 PM »
 I just recently learned what "poly" is, so forgive if I don't quite have it right. During one of our (Tripp-Ns lil slut and me) I shared I really want to see her with another women. She the informed me that she has had random fantasies of the same nature. She would rather it be with a new "girlfriend" than a one nighter. I agree it would be better this way as well, for her comfort mostly. So would that make her a poly? I want to make clear this is fine with me cause I love her and I know that there are things women can offer each other that I am just not built for. Any one with experiance in this would be helpfull. Just want to make this as good as possible. Thanks
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Offline Lois

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2012, 06:17:15 PM »
I think if either of you have any jealousy it won't work.
So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

Offline Thirsty4It

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2014, 09:58:36 AM »
The next two years were filled with wonder, fantasy fulfillment and a firm realization that I was easily able to love more than one person sans those three demons my father had to face.  I had no problem kissing my love on the lips and giving her a warm hug as she went out the door to her "secondary" - damn I dislike that word.
Today with my love I maintain physical monogamy by choice and refuse to swear it is permanent. She knows I am in love with my high school love as I hide nothing.  It is tertiary to note that while she is emotionally and physically monogamous her deceased husband was more like my father.  He had at least one other love which he did not hide.

My point:
Whether learned or genetic I am polyamorous and fortunate to have found a woman who accepts this even if she is a bit jealous and just a little possessive. 

That is quite a story, congrats on that. I think that in many ways something along those lines is what my goal is in a strong Kink relationship. I could see loving and being with one person only the next go around, but if I was able to have a partner as understanding and secure as you had I would very much like to have that outlet to enjoy other people yet still have that strong bond with one woman. Now, where are all the strong, smart, secure, bisexual, poly Asian women? :D
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Offline amber_married

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2014, 12:21:26 PM »
Though I am not totally new to this concept, this is the first time I have heard a name given to it. While I can see the need for this in Dom/sub relationships, elements of it can also be quite useful to those of us in relationships with vanilla partners. Provided the partner can be open minded to it.
Been away from site for a while, but happy to be back.

Offline Qahina

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2014, 03:58:07 PM »
I would have to deconstruct the concept a little to reply. Firstly the question whether a polyamorous relationship is possible or not I would propose kind of a contra thought. You usually have more than one friend, yes? Let's assume for a moment that all of you friends are "good friends". Would you say it is impossible to have more than one good friend or that it is a burden to balance one friends needs against the other? Your friends might even have completely different personalities. You might share a book club with one and enjoy action movies with another. To illustrate the point, we are complex beings in our personal as well as our sexual needs and regardless of gender preference I think it is quite possible to love more than one person.

It might be difficult to balance favoritism sometimes since you might have days when you would rather be with someone else just as it is true in friendships. Lovers who have a deeper emotional connection with you beyond the fulfillment of sexual needs should have the respect for you as well as intimate understanding of your feelings and thoughts to be able to share you in a way a friend would.

As a little clarification I am talking about love. Being in love with someone is another matter entirely. It is most of the time an all consuming state of mind driven by desire and I personally don't think one can be in love with in a polyamorous way.

Another matter entirely would be a long-term relationship with more than one person maybe even sharing living space. That would require a whole other level of trust and let's face it of planning too because in the real world your sub/slave/victim would not live down in your basement 24/7 and even then you would have to feed her occasionally.
In my eyes as long as the base goes beyond simple desire and is founded on respect and understanding in a deep and meaningful way then yes, I think it is absolutely possible. Some people are even wired that way and would or could not be with only one person.

Well and if it is just sex than most of the time it won't even come to the deeper attachment that would breed jealousy.

Q.
Some People say it is their gratest pleasure to have a women bound and gagged. I say the greatest pleasure is to have a women trained so thats no longer required. True control does not need chains.

Offline PenitentGirl

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2017, 06:07:02 AM »
My boyfriend and I just set expectations in advance. I'm okay with him getting a girl or boy... well not friend but friend with benefits, but only if he shares her/him with me. My responsibilities is slightly different, he just has to know and approve -- this leaves open the possibility of play scenes where he 'gives' me to some man or group of men and then 'leaves the room' or some variation on that.

The understanding is that we're romantically monogamous, though, so not sure if that is exactly a polyamorous relationship exactly. I sure don't want no sister wives, thats for damn sure. Occasional sister slave to be used together? Thats definitely OK. Not all the time though, I'd be like a yappy chiahuahua trying to establish dominance over another pet in the house and secure best cuddle spots and his attention.

Offline SoftGameHunter

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2017, 11:40:54 AM »
My wife/slave brought up the possibility of someday bringing in a second girl, and we chat about it from time to time. So far it's been a non-issue, but our lives haven't really been in order either. Since she did the second girl role herself once, years ago, I think she knows that it can be a pleasant experience all around.
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Offline KgC120

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2017, 12:09:24 PM »
My wife/slave brought up the possibility of someday bringing in a second girl, and we chat about it from time to time. So far it's been a non-issue, but our lives haven't really been in order either. Since she did the second girl role herself once, years ago, I think she knows that it can be a pleasant experience all around.


Trust me, threesomes are as fun as you've ever pictured. I can't deny it.  Well, for me they were. Hit up a lesbian bar. You'd be surprised how many bi women hang out at those places. And many are girls who drag their men with them. So it's not uncommon to see guys at a dyke lesbian bar.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2017, 11:19:23 PM by KgC120 »
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Offline SoftGameHunter

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2017, 12:45:32 PM »
My wife/slave brought up the possibility of someday bringing in a second girl, and we chat about it from time to time. So far it's been a non-issue, but our lives haven't really been in order either. Since she did the second girl role herself once, years ago, I think she knows that it can be a pleasant experience all around.


Trust me, threesomes are as fun as you've ever pictured. I can't deny it.  Well, for me they were. Hit up a lesbian bar. You'd be surprised how many bi women hang out at those places. And many are girls who drag their men with them. So it's not uncommon to see guys at a dyke bar.

We're both near to finished our Master's degrees. After that, some jobs, a stable place to live, and then infinite possibilities.

Maybe even poach some girls off this site.  :angel: Anyone want onto the waiting list? It'll be a year or more out, so you need not commit yourself.
The rumors about me are scurrilous, depraved rantings of a sick mind, and I categorically deny any sense of falsehood attributed to them.

Offline technodivinitas

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2017, 05:13:06 AM »
I was in a Master/slave relationship of 11 years, we were poly, and it was fantastic- but also hard work, and failed in the end due to jealousy on the part of a third- the woman he brought into the family and married. She was vanilla. She "accepted" that I was his slave, and that he had no intention of giving me up, despite marrying her, but she never truly accepted it, and was for the second half of that eleven years a constant wrench in the gears. She fought with me. She fought with him. She hurled insults, demanded preferential treatment, (I'm the Wife... you're just his slave- which could have been fine and kinda hot, if she'd been fetish- but she wasn't and it was just nasty and ugly.)  In the end, he divorced her, and left me- though he and I remained close. And though he never admitted it, I suspect he couldn't deal with the guilt of how much damage bringing his wife into our family did to us.  (There were other play-slaves that came and went, and they and I always got along just beautifully.)

Still- I am 100% poly now, and wary of others who claim to be, simply because it's all well and good to claim to be poly, but everyone experiences jealousy, even rational, truly poly-minded people. It's what you DO with that jealousy that matters. Do you acknowledge it and talk it out, face it, come to terms with it, or do you let it cause pettiness and anger, resentment and pain?

For me, happiness and fulfillment equal polyamory. I cannot hope to be EVERYTHING someone needs. I would rather be the best ME I can be, to fulfill what I can, rather than struggling to live up to an unreachable goal, and likewise, I don't think it's fair to demand that anyone I care about be MY everything.
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Offline PenitentGirl

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2017, 04:15:19 PM »
Theres no way I'd bring a vanilla anything anywhere near a relationship I valued. They don't understand, and that will poison everything.

Offline technodivinitas

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Re: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2017, 04:55:22 PM »
Theres no way I'd bring a vanilla anything anywhere near a relationship I valued. They don't understand, and that will poison everything.

Yep. And so it did. Unfortunately, it took my Master 6 years to put an end to the pain and suffering.
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