To the original Poster, Your question seems to imply that it is one way or the other, rather than what I find more true, that the act of interacting in a D/s relationship Is almost always a calculated and controlled process that leads to the establishment of Trust. That the Intimate give and take that results from being both Worthy of accepting the Submission and being Of Worth to the One you submit to allows for almost any level, from the most sadistic to the gentlest. It is not the Act that defines the relationship, it is the Intent behind the act that brings the entire thing into Focus and makes The Submission have meaning.

Only someone who is oblivious to reality will think that the one who submits can do so fully with out deep seated feelings and a need to have those. In the vanilla world, love is an expected reaction and leads to growth when it is Given to one who deserves it. That aspect, nurtured in a D/s relationship Gives an even greater control to the Dominant, but it also adds greatly to the Dominants responsibilities to be Worthy of Holding it.

These are of course, My own humble opinions, and Ones that I have found to be effective for Me.

My personal opinion is that it is a combination.  The dom always seeks to strengthen the bond between him and his sub.  Calculation in addition to intimacy helps him achieve this.

Many subs thrive on the intimacy and knowing their dom will not allow them to be anything but completely honest and submissive.

I'm not the best at wording my thoughts so I hope this makes sense.

[Brek]

Stockholm syndrome and the adaptation of women to their captors is considered a mental disorder. It's maladaptive. Arranged marriages are something else entirely.

[loverquest]

it is a SYNDROME.
Stockholm Syndrome is treated the same as PTSD. Counselling, anti-anxiety/anti-depressants, treating sleep disorders, and/or possibly coping with flashbacks.

in my opinion{I am not a professional} it is more learned from a time of being forced to only concentrate on survival, rather than adaptations.
"maladaptation" would be a misleading label.

Like anything else involving one's genitals... the encounter will be as intimate as you make it. You can smack ass, beat ass, or spank ass....but how these are accepted depends on the ass in question and the hand in question.

Many people list various ways a D\S relationship and an Abusive one are and all are valid, yes consent, mutual communication, respect, understanding all come into it. But I find the best way to explain the difference is explaining aftercare.

Let me explain,

A D/S scene can, in some cases, very closely resemble an abusive relationship in terms of the control, the abuse, the humiliation. The feelings that "victim/sub" feels in that moment can mirror a real life Abuse Victim, they can be stripped down that low, made to feel that worthless, that this situation is all they deserve. A sub can be made to believe she was in the wrong and deserves this beating and they can be taken to their lowest possible point mentally, physically and emotionally.

Be it last an hour, a day a week or even be part of a full time relationship, at some point the Dom will bring the Sub back from that point, help her recover, help her process the scene, her emotions and feelings and come out of it at least having had a great time, but maybe learning something about herself, becoming stronger, becoming more aware and looking back on the experience with a positive feeling, even if in that moment they truly hated themselves, the dom, the situation etc.

An Abuser never allows the victim time to recover, time to learn, time to become stronger and reflect. They keep there victim down, and hold them there. Even when they apologise or say it wont happen again there is an element of control or refusal to truly let the victim recover back to the same place mentally.

That to me is the main difference between the 2, anything an Abuser does can be part of a DS scene or relationship and in some cases it can even seem the abusers victim can be seen to "consent" to the abuse, this is especially a problem in the DS community, (I didn't know she was being abused, when she was at events it always seemed like she was consenting to total 24/7 relationship with no say, I thought she liked playing without safe words so didn't intervene).

Anyway that is highlights of part of a talk I used to give on identifying the signs of Abuse in the scene.