I was just wondering  if you saw D/s as an intimate give/take, trusting, loving sort of thing, or is it, on the other hand, a calculating power trip/ humiliating defeat sort of thing. It's the same with rape fantasies, I think. If you answer the later you might be more into a degrading, humiliating encounter. But, if you answer the first then you might be more into a gentle sort of rape fantasy. The kind of fantasy where no one really gets hurt vs. one where it is sure to leave a mark.

I'm just wondering everyone's opinion on this.

Dear Lady,
This honest Cop's opinion, is there must be a mesure of trust for this to work. After all, you as a female are opening yourself up to having someone fulfill a fantasy. Their belief of what is gentle and loving, will probably differ in the extreme from yours. I usually find that there is a hesitancy for lovers to discuss this fantasy. In my own marriage, it took years for my Wife and myself to realize we each shared these desires of each other. This was in a solid marriage. In a Boyfriend / Girlfriend relationship, it is evenmore difficult. There must be limits and a safe word firmly established and agreed upon. To this day, my Wife and I still have the same safe word. We have enjoyed the fulfillment of these fantasies, and it wasn't just me doing the Raping either. I would suggest having someone here write a Ravishment Story for you. I find the experience of doing so exhilerating. Start there, and see how you feel then.

[pollux34]

In my opinion a real D/s relationship is beyond casual. It is intimacy and trust, how harshly played depends on the people playing. It is a relationship like any other. The games you play depend on the players.

[celticfeline]

I have to agree with both previous posters.  For me personally...my journey into D/s is a newer one and takes a lot of work to understand my motivations, and desires.  There is an element of power tripping in D/s...for chrissake you have someone willing to do just about whatever you say...i don't see how that wouldn't cause a power trip during at least scene time...but also is very much a give and take, and as stated already takes a lot of trust and open communication.

[loverquest]

personally, I would have to say, YES.
I mean it is a calculated intimate relationship. first you have to know what each of you(at least generally) want.
You have to TRUST that your limits and safe words will be absolute. Also that you both will survive the encounter- physically, mentally, emotionally. and that you both are consenting to be non-consensual... and I could go on... hmmm, but now is not the time for me...




{{{{oh how "young" i was.... lol what did i know??}}}February 2013
 
LQ

[Lois]

I think there are honest D/s relationships and dishonest ones.

There are those on the D side that use the realtionship to abuse, and there are those on the s side of the relationship who also play dishonest games.

But honest D/s realtionships can be wonderful and very rewarding for both parties.

For what it is worth, domination has always turned me on sexually. From my earliest years, BDSM images have always been the most erotic.

Oddly, I have no interest in any permanent harm. Corporal punishment is fine, as is psychological domination. But no blood and no maiming. The only sort of exception I am aware of is the idea of forced pregnancy excites me.

For me, DS is an erotic fantasy that is a part of real life, but not the whole. Love and respect need to be part of the whole too. At least for some.

[Tripp-N]

Very calculating! With out discussion of said fantasies is almost a sure fire way for someone to get hurt. If parameters are set then you can play inside that.

[Strapwelder]

Amazing is what I'd call it! Everyone has made some very valid points, but it comes back to the players.
I've been in both types D/s relationships, ones that were fostered out of trust, love and supporting of each others needs with open communication. On the other side there have been twice where it was merely to fulfill a need. Both times the woman just weren't happy myself included. We were looking for something else, some excitement a change of life's drudgery. Neither one wanted a long term committed relationship so both needs we're met for a brief period of time both hers and mine. I've thought about it often was it abuse or were we just players in life's journey.

[lee265]

If a D/s relationship isn't based on honesty and trust isn't it more akin to rape and brutality? Personally I would rather have the intimacy that an honest and trusting relationship should bring about.

[The Rt Hon. The Lord Ox]

Is D/s an intimate relationship or a calculating one?

Yes.

Both.

They are not mutually exclusive.

I force my subs to orgasm. I reward their submission and compliance. It's calculating. It's tactical. It's strategic. And it works to imprint their love and devotion onto me. It's mindfuck conditioning and programming. But one can fuck a woman into submission and make her love you.

See the success rate of arranged marriages and the dynamic of Stockholm syndrome for other examples.

....... 

[The Rt Hon. The Lord Ox]

....... 

This, from a spellbinding enchantress....

Let us not pretend there is no calculation in seduction. It is an art, a craft, and a skill.

[loverquest]

Let us not pretend there is no calculation in seduction. It is an art, a craft, and a skill.

Hmmm.... Totally.
lets face it... IFyou didnt make us happy... we wouldnt be here.

of course i mean in general.

[The Rt Hon. The Lord Ox]

Yes, indeed... There is blatent mindfuck and manipulation in D/s relationships. And it's not one sided, either. The point is that it's almost all geared to strengthening the bond between the participants.

Let's say, purely hypothetically, my sub has discovered that I become much more tender and affectionate after she spends 10 minutes sucking my balls. Let's say she's the type that can't get enough affection. Guess what her second favorite activity, after receiving that affection, just became...

Yep. Inducing my affection. By the most reliable means at her disposal.

Now let's say I really really like having my balls sucked. And I know she's eager do anything for a little affection. And I tactically let her know that my mood changes when she's hungrily wearing her ball gag, which happens to hang between my legs...

Who's playing who? And does it matter, since both are getting what they need, and becoming more intimately attached to their partner, who is providing it?

Submissives serve, wanting to please their Doms. I'll speak for myself as a Dom, I reign, requiring my sub to become ever more attached and devoted to me. And I train my subs with Pavlovian conditioning and seductive mindfuck to do it. Because the ties that bind are not made of rope or chain.