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Has a cheerleader ever terrorized YOU:

Yes
No

Author Topic: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)  (Read 1787 times)

Offline Raymond Pist
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GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« on: January 07, 2007, 08:45:56 PM »
"TEXAS CHEERLEADERS TERRORIZE SCHOOL"  Screams the headline.  
"Who's to blame for these teenagers gone wild"  adds ABC News.
"Principal forced to resign" notes AOL....who chose this as their LEAD story. (slightly above Disney Character "Tigger" assaulting a child.  OK, so it's a slow news day. But still....)

Anywayyyyyyyy, the story goes on to allege that the bouncy co-eds "repeatedly skipped class, insulted instructors, terrorized their coach and posted sexually suggestive pictures of themselves on MySpace."  In an astonishing lapse of journalistic integrity, links to the MySpace pages were omitted from the article.  "They sent dirty text messages to my husband" whined the coach.  Presumably, the husband was able to convincingly hide his joy at this turn of events, and refrain from shouting "whoopie!!"

The focus of the article is to point out that administrators have been stripped of the power to discipline their young charges. Which, of course, in this politically correct world is pretty well accepted.  Indeed, would the outrage been larger had the story been "PRINCIPAL FORCED TO RESIGN----charged with administering bare-bottom, OTK spankings to 5 disorderly cheerleaders."  THAT news, had it broken last week, would have bumped President Ford off the front page.

Fortunately, myself, and A/V kid, the entire chess club, and two "math-letes" have sat down together and drafted a solution:  Since the administration's hands are tied when it comes to student discipline, why not let the student body handle it?  Just grant immunity to mathletes, members of the chess club, the A/V department, and myself--as their student advisor--for any alleged sex crimes committed on campus against "uppity" cheerleaders.  And if that doesn't put them back into their place, extend the immunity to the jocks on the sport's teams as well.  THEN the headline would read "CHEERLEADING SQUAD NOW EXTREMELY WELL BEHAVED---after being "raped into shape" by the school's own geeks and jocks.  Principal hailed as hero!  Football team undefeated!"

After all, isn't it the cheerleading team's JOB to boost student body morale?  
Face it, most high school sports teams can never hope to bond over a gang-rape.
And most mathletes, chess kids, and A/V geeks can never hope to score with a cheerleader.

THIS is the opportunity to change THAT!

--Ray
A good library contains something to offend everyone. But the only thing that should be universally offensive to all people are threats of censorship. Silencing those with whom you disagree is not an argument; it's a sign that you have lost the argument, and cannot compete in the marketplace of ideas. There is no greater admission of weakness.

Offline Raymond Pist
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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2007, 08:59:05 PM »
I stand corrected.  Apologies to those of you searching for the AOL headline, it's just been replaced by the NEW greatest headline of the year (so far...)


NASA KILLED   life on Mars.

Incredibly, it seems that the fragile life that WAS there in 1976 and 1977 was unable to withstand being probed by us aliens.  

"One of our experiments poured water onto the soil, which would have drowned the microbes. Another heated the soil, which would have baked them." explained geology professor Dirk Shultze-Makuch from Washington State University.

Maybe we need a new poll:
Have YOU ever been anally probed by an alien (possibly as revenge for the NASA probing massacre of 30 years ago.)

--Ray
A good library contains something to offend everyone. But the only thing that should be universally offensive to all people are threats of censorship. Silencing those with whom you disagree is not an argument; it's a sign that you have lost the argument, and cannot compete in the marketplace of ideas. There is no greater admission of weakness.

Offline menndebi

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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2007, 10:18:54 PM »
I used to be a cheerleader but we never did what these did!  At least I did not!  lol!! 
*~*~*Deb*~*~*

Accept people for who they are, Never judge a book by its cover, Respect others and others will respect you.

Offline Lois

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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2007, 01:51:38 AM »
Good ones Ray, but how is this:

Cubs woo Dave Matthews despite poo

December 21, 2006
BY FRAN SPIELMAN City Hall Reporter


After committing nearly $300 million to free agents this winter, the Cubs are more desperate than ever for cash not subject to Major League Baseball's revenue-sharing edict.

Enter the Dave Matthews Band, whose bus driver unloaded 800 pounds of human waste on a tour boat passing under the Kinzie Street bridge in 2004.

The Cubs are asking City Hall for permission to hold their second pair of outdoor concerts in two years -- this time starring Matthews on the weekend that follows July Fourth.

City Council approval is needed next month in order to seal a place in the band's busy schedule. The concerts are expected to be held July 8 and 9.

The concert precedent began in 2005 with a pair of Labor Day concerts by Jimmy Buffett.

In exchange, the Cubs agreed to donate $150,000 to neighborhood schools, take a one-year break from concerts and forfeit one of their 30 night games the following season. The sold-out Buffett concerts ended at 10:30 p.m., and seating was capped at the baseball limit of 41,000.

This time, the Cubs are prepared to abide by the curfew and seating caps and make a similar contribution to neighborhood schools or parks. But they're hoping to avoid the night game penalty, according to Mike Lufrano, Cubs vice-president of community relations.

The motivation for the concert series is money that would not fall under Major League Baseball's revenue-sharing umbrella.

For every dollar the Cubs earn on game days, 34 cents must be shared with other teams. For every dollar raked in at a concert, the Cubs get to keep 100 percent.

Ald. Tom Tunney (44th) said he's "not ready to give approval yet," in part because there's "more work to do on neighborhood protections, greater police presence and who the artist is."

David Winner, president of the Lake View Citizens Council, said his only concern is that the Cubs have chosen the same weekend as the annual Lake View Music Fest. The group hopes to work around that conflict by merging the two events into a Taste of Lake View.

East Lake View Neighbors has already signed on, but president Jim Murphy said it "might make sense" for the Cubs to give up a night game again.
So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

Offline Raymond Pist
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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2007, 02:39:00 AM »
Good ones Ray, but how is this:

Cubs woo Dave Matthews despite poo

December 21, 2006
BY FRAN SPIELMAN City Hall Reporter


After committing nearly $300 million to free agents this winter, the Cubs are more desperate than ever for cash not subject to Major League Baseball's revenue-sharing edict.

Enter the Dave Matthews Band, whose bus driver unloaded 800 pounds of human waste on a tour boat passing under the Kinzie Street bridge in 2004.

The Cubs are asking City Hall for permission to hold their second pair of outdoor concerts in two years -- this time starring Matthews on the weekend that follows July Fourth.

City Council approval is needed next month in order to seal a place in the band's busy schedule. The concerts are expected to be held July 8 and 9.

The concert precedent began in 2005 with a pair of Labor Day concerts by Jimmy Buffett.

In exchange, the Cubs agreed to donate $150,000 to neighborhood schools, take a one-year break from concerts and forfeit one of their 30 night games the following season. The sold-out Buffett concerts ended at 10:30 p.m., and seating was capped at the baseball limit of 41,000.

This time, the Cubs are prepared to abide by the curfew and seating caps and make a similar contribution to neighborhood schools or parks. But they're hoping to avoid the night game penalty, according to Mike Lufrano, Cubs vice-president of community relations.

The motivation for the concert series is money that would not fall under Major League Baseball's revenue-sharing umbrella.

For every dollar the Cubs earn on game days, 34 cents must be shared with other teams. For every dollar raked in at a concert, the Cubs get to keep 100 percent.

Ald. Tom Tunney (44th) said he's "not ready to give approval yet," in part because there's "more work to do on neighborhood protections, greater police presence and who the artist is."

David Winner, president of the Lake View Citizens Council, said his only concern is that the Cubs have chosen the same weekend as the annual Lake View Music Fest. The group hopes to work around that conflict by merging the two events into a Taste of Lake View.

East Lake View Neighbors has already signed on, but president Jim Murphy said it "might make sense" for the Cubs to give up a night game again.

Just off the top of my head, abot 3 things shock me about this.
1. That busses can carry 800 lbs of poop. I mean, poop can't be heavier (density wise) than say, a human. And so, picturing an 800 lb human, I can't figure out where exactly they would strap him (or her) under the bus.
2. That Jimmy Buffet, whom I love, by the way, could attract 41,000 fans to a single concert. and,
3. That taxpayers continue to fund things such as sport stadiums (which must be what gave the gov'mint so much say in this matter.)  I mean, people are litterally losing their homes because of inability to pay their exorbitant taxes.  How DARE any government entity claim the right (and seize the funds) to be anything more than a policeman?  Providing ENTERTAINMENT, for Christ's sake, is a slap in the face to families who must weight the various pros and cons of selecting 2 out of 3:  Food, Clothing, or shelter.  JESUS!! MY stupid township had an electrically lit NATIVITY SCENE  for Christmas!  t was still up---and lit---until yesterday!   The freakin' GALL of that amazes me!
--Ray

A good library contains something to offend everyone. But the only thing that should be universally offensive to all people are threats of censorship. Silencing those with whom you disagree is not an argument; it's a sign that you have lost the argument, and cannot compete in the marketplace of ideas. There is no greater admission of weakness.

Offline Becka
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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2007, 08:16:02 AM »

2. That Jimmy Buffet, whom I love, by the way, could attract 41,000 fans to a single concert.



Buffett will sell as many tickets as are available whether it is 40 or 40,000 and there will still be ticketless fans partying in the parking lot...It is the anture of the beast.

B.  :-*

PS - I guess you can't be all bad if you love Buffett.  :emot_bigok.gif:
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Offline ynyn

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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2007, 04:42:35 AM »
In regards to original post:

 Hey!! I was in what you call the A/V club...well we had a magnet program for the district located at my high school for television broadcasting,and I was in that.So,it was a class,not a club....and I wasn't a nerd doing dumb stuff...it must have been okay,since I worked in that field since high school.

That said,I LIKE the idea of immunity to my fellow broadcasters-in-training...I just hate getting lumped in with the chess club all of the time.
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Offline Tanya
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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2007, 10:47:57 PM »
we dont really have cheerleaders here, not like in the us anyway

Offline LittleTexasWitch

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Re: GREATEST HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (so far...)
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2007, 12:36:26 PM »
Only in Texas........my poor children
Lose yourself......let the beast come out and play!