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Author Topic: Finding other Perverts online  (Read 10664 times)
Lois
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« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2009, 01:04:12 AM »

I should give this guy his own thread.  It is pure gold!
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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
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« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2009, 07:31:47 AM »


It is also more difficult for women (at least for me), because many men have inflated egos about how good they are. Read the innumerable posts of men who claim to be good at cunnilingus ...

I guess I'll continue to go unsatisfied...  emot_violin.gif

This is the vibe that I seem to get from women that I've met.  It comes a little after the initial "My god, you can actually spell and use grammar" reaction.  After meeting up there is generally some surprise to find that I come as advertised.   Of course, I'm not lying about my age, appearance or attributes and I rather enjoy cunnilingus, but enough of me.

Unfortunately I imagine that the vast majority of guys looking for encounters online aren't exactly the cream of the crop.  Most of them are either already in relationships but not getting what they want at home, or are losers who can't get laid any other way.  If their response to personal ads is along the lines of "I'm SOOO HORNY BABY  SHOW ME UR TITS" then it's little wonder why they aren't getting any action.

I'm not surprised that a lot of these guys seem to have inflated opinions about their performance.  They probably also labor under the delusion that they have massive dicks too.   Incidentally, most of the "nice", honest guys are probably far too shy and/or "moral" to try to pick up women on-line.  They wouldn't dream of it - so that does tend to rather increase the likelihood of encountering pond-scum in your on-line hookups.

The problem is that these guys are screwing it up for the rest of us.   I can meet women in real life - the point in looking on-line is that it's easier to find people who are into kink on-line.

Come to think of it - a lot of the action I've had on-line is from women approaching me, or from just chatting and finding common interests (not necessarily on sex-related forums either).

I understand quite well the trepidation women have in actually meeting someone in this way.  Hey, I worry about that too!  I always let someone know where I'm going and what I'm doing, just in case.
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Gryphin_Rampant
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« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2009, 05:28:09 AM »

I guess I wasn't thinking of the article/book as a "how to" but an investigation into the psychology of the entire lifestyle; what it is from the perspective of the man vs. the woman, why people do it, what their expectations are, what leads them to do such things, etc...

I have only engaged in the act in between relationships -- mostly in times of dire need. But I have encountered countless men who are unsatisfied in their relationships/marriages who are in physical need. I don't play those games, personally. I know how it felt to be lied to and cheated on and I would never want to be the "other woman" even if it is a one-time thing and the wife/partner never knows of my existence. That is a karma thing for me. Can't tell you how many married men I've turned down (not counting the fact that I'm sure I was lied to once or twice).

It is true that it is MUCH harder for a woman to engage in such activity; fear of attack or theft or some such things are pervasive. The few times I *have* agreed to meet with someone, I send as much information as I can about the person to a friend; I text him when I am about to meet someone for sex and if he doesn't hear from me within six or eight hours, he will check in on me.

It is also more difficult for women (at least for me), because many men have inflated egos about how good they are. Read the innumerable posts of men who claim to be good at cunnilingus. Most guys just want to get in and start off with mindless, porn-like jackhammer sex which gets really boring really fast. To find someone who is interested in hours of play is few and far between.

I had a handful of 15- and 30-minute men in the past year. All of them have continued to pester me for second encounters and I think I am just too polite to come out and tell them how mediocre I thought they were. As I said in another post, there was one guy who would at least give me two- and three-hours of pleasure before he would finish, but he has a 5" dick which still leaves me wanting.

I guess I'll continue to go unsatisfied...  emot_violin.gif
but an investigation into the psychology of the entire lifestyle; what it is from the perspective of the man vs. the woman, why people do it, what their expectations are, what leads them to do such things, etc...
Hmm, yes, yet to do an honest job it would require a substantial amount of research.  Right now I can only speak from my experiences of about 3 years, 1000s of posts and 10s of encounters.  I wonder if I could get a buddy of mine to do it. Hmmm.  Well, if you include personals on major sites then it is more like 10 years.  In the end I think you would find it is for the most part people looking for some variation on CEQ - Cheap, Easy, and Quick.  I expect the main reasons for using CLCE (craig's list casual encounters) would run along the lines of:
* Can't get it anywhere else - knows no woman will have him but he can fool one long enough to get his rocks off
* Just playing and don't want to pay for it (like at AFF)
* The adventure of it - what's around that corner?
*  Is truly looking for NSA - ongoing no strings attached, hoping they are good enough to keep her coming back
* Figure it is less likely to get caught by partner they are cheating on since there is less detail.  This is true unless their partner suspects where they are posting and has the time to trap them.
* Variety
and combination of several these

As for your experience with cheaters, liers and mediocre, ya, I am sure there are 1000s of those out there and very hard to avoid.  I never offer "pussy pounding" or penetration sex of any nature since I know I can't provide what they are looking for.  That is just wasted energy.

Emily - moi? a thread on this? if you like.
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Purplef8
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« Reply #18 on: May 15, 2010, 02:21:13 PM »

I've actually had a lot of suckcess (heehee) on alt.com.
Yes I do have a paid account and I have found that of the approximately 20 women that I have contacted, only one responded and there is no way to even know if they received my message in the first place. The men however have all responded immediately. So as a female looking for a guy to do stuff to, it has been great.

Some of the men I have been unable to set up a time with YET but that is due to issues on my end not their end.
And the men that I have met were all sane and attractive and worth my time and effort.
Although they have all found that while they did not think they were exaggerating about their abilities, giving them something they are not used to makes it hard for them to remember what they wanted to do in the first place.  emot_mrhappydick.gif
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Lois
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« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2010, 04:20:33 PM »

I have a friend that is paid by ALT.com to put up phony profiles there.  No surprise that the women you attempted to contact did not get back to you.  It's a great place for women looking for men tho.
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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
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« Reply #20 on: May 16, 2010, 05:13:52 PM »

I have a friend that is paid by ALT.com to put up phony profiles there.  No surprise that the women you attempted to contact did not get back to you.  It's a great place for women looking for men tho.

Yeah, ALT.com is run by the same company that owns adultfriendfinder.com and a few other contact sites. You'll find the same phony profiles at each of their sites.

I've found women online ... but rarely through sites like that.  It's hard when the man to woman ratio is like 50:1

I've written eloquent letters to loads of "women" on those sites - and the number of replies is almost less than zero.  Yet when I IM with a (real) women my "success" rate is very high ... it's not as if I have trouble with words.  For heaven's sake I'm a professional ... (oh never mind, I don't need to give too much away around here)!

It's annoying because I don't like cruising bars looking for women - that's not my thing - I don't mind a drink or two but I'm not into finding women that way.  I might also be a little old for that kind of thing (I'm not sure).  The opportunities for meeting women on a day to day basis are not that great around here, especially as I am a "foreigner" here and Dutch women aren't into foreign men.     Yes, you guessed it, every women I've been with in the Netherlands has not been Dutch.   

Of course, finding perverted women is  harder still.   Wink
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Gryphin_Rampant
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« Reply #21 on: May 18, 2010, 04:03:28 PM »

I should give this guy his own thread.  It is pure gold!

Moi? I just saw this post.  Not sure if you meant me. 
At 55 even CL is not a great place for easy pickups.  Those whom I do meet are usually looking to receive a massage and oral servicing, (which works for me).  Still, for me the few kinky encounters make it worth it.  Dam, the things Ive down that few would beleive.

I have had the same results as noted above at Alt and Collarme (wich is free.  Maybe "fetlife" would be worth trolling but I just don't have the time.
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Lois
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« Reply #22 on: May 18, 2010, 07:18:56 PM »

Maybe "fetlife" would be worth trolling but I just don't have the time.

And that kind of trolling isn't bad!
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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
Gryphin_Rampant
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« Reply #23 on: May 18, 2010, 10:30:15 PM »

The problem with trolling a place like fetlife is target marketing.  All of the usual factors plus location.  Since I am 55 and not looking for long term / permanent and I won't lie about it the availability of potential playmates goes way down.  Add to that the location, inabilty to drive and I might as well stick to craigs list.  Still, for a person who can get around, is younger, had a nice wallet, well, fetlife might be the way to go.
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Purplef8
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« Reply #24 on: June 05, 2010, 10:36:11 PM »

Thanks for the interesting info about all the fake profiles. I'm now checking out collarme and at least those women seem more real. Could be a great find. Thanks so much!!
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Lois
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« Reply #25 on: May 08, 2011, 09:20:36 PM »

FetLife is a great place to meet kinky folks, and it is free!  But it is not strictly a "dating" site. More of a community of fetishists.  There is no way to search "smoking" or "non-smoking" for instance.
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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
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