Author Topic: Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)  (Read 9440 times)

Offline jennifer kilmey

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Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)
« on: January 03, 2021, 10:08:52 AM »
Though I might share this little peek into my past.  Hope it's not  T.M.I.

I can't remember a time I didn't love to imagine dying in fear and pain.  Even as a very little kid, I used to hear the Little Red Riding Hood story, and my mind would drift off into my own version with an alternate ending where the Big Bad Wolf rips open Little Red's clothes and sinks his teeth (my how big they are) into her pretty little tummy.  I was a weird little kid indeed.  I have no memory of ever being abused in any way, though I have a theory... My mom was pretty sexually repressed, and I can almost remember... just a feeling really, with no solid details... that she would chastise me for touching myself.  Even babies do that... it feels good.  I think maybe... just maybe when I was an infant she lost it sometimes and would slap my hand for doing it,  inadvertently slapping my belly as well at the same time... as I said, just a theory, but it might explain why sexual stimulation and belly pain are so intertwined in the dark secret corners of my mind.

I always instinctively knew not to talk about these feelings.  I kept them locked up tight inside me... a sweet but slightly scary secret I never never shared with anyone.  It was just a vague ache when I was little... until I hit puberty and hormones threw gasoline on my libido.

About the time I started High School at age 14,  I became aware that there was something else weird about me.  Most of the girls I knew were always thinking about boys, talking about them, fantasizing about them.  I was different. I was always thinking about other girls. I was shy, and homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexuality... these were all easy targets for ridicule among my classmates, so I never let on.  My dark violent daydreams began to involve girls I knew... the ones I found attractive.  I felt guilty, ashamed, but I couldn't stop.  I would develop a crush on one of my classmates, sneak peeks at her all day at school 'till I had her memorized.  Then at night in my bedroom I would imagine being her.  My fantasies had never been about being my real life me anyway, always some one else. 
The first time I really made it work in a sexual way... like touching myself while imagining feeling fear and pain, I was picturing a girl in my art class. Her name was Diane McArdle and she was to die for... ha ha.

 I lay in my bed, picturing Diane's face where mine should be. Tried changing my expressions while picturing her face mimicking mine.  I could make her smile, I could make her look scared, I could make her scream (silently of course, my parents were in the next room)    I got out of bed, and slipped my nightgown up over my head, Diane still in my mind's eye... I really felt like I was her. Her slender, perfect little body standing there naked... (I had seen her naked in the shower after gym class, so I knew my image of her nude body was accurate)  By the time I had gotten this far into it, I was really turned on. I was little Diane... and instead of my bedroom, the scene was some kind of dark cellar or dungeon, and I (Diane) had been kidnapped by satanists and they were leading me to a huge machine designed to disembowel  virgin sacrifices.  I pictured Diane struggling and squirming, trying to get away as they dragged her to the huge ugly blade. I could really feel what it might be like to be her.  I writhed and wiggled across my bedroom  in a pretend struggle, 'till I was facing the corner of my oak desk.  The desktop was just the right height. I pressed my belly against the corner and leaned forward, clutching a hold of the sides of the desktop, pressing myself down against the hard wooden corner, hard enough to hurt my belly, below my navel.  Then I imagined I was crying... begging... seeing Diane's lovely face in my mind. I imagined some bad guy laughing and saying "Goodbye Diane!"  and imagining blade sinking into guts I bent my knees and lifted  my feet, letting my full weight press my tummy down on the hard edge, the wooden corner digging into my lower belly... It hurt... it hurt bad, and I loved it.  Loved feeling like I was Diane, dying in slow agony.  I rocked my body back and forth making it hurt worse and worse, imagining Diane's belly tearing, splitting open, oozing blood and intestines as I continued rocking forward and back 'till my orgasm exploded inside me and I imagined Diane's eyes rolling up and her lips quivering as she was wracked with a final very sexy spasm and collapsed lifeless on the blade.  I let my body fall limp, draped over the desk top.  I hung there feeling the sweet pain in my lower belly for a long, long time, wondering if I was crazy or what? 

Looking back on it now, some twenty five years later, I long to go back to the time when I was so fresh and innocent.  If I had a second chance at being fifteen again, I'd do it all right.  First of all, I'd be prettier.  Not that I wasn't cute enough to get by... I'm not complaining.  I had my fair share of flirty attention, but I'd prefer to be one of those truly exquisite young creatures... you know...  A one in a thousand nymphet.  And if I could have that wish, the second time around I'd do it different. Oh, I'd be a good girl... sweet and innocent... most likely still a virgin, but I'd never listen when mom told me to be careful.  I'd wear my shortest miniskirt and hitch hike in remote places... ride my bike down deserted trails near the abandoned quarry. I'd be such a naive little wench... not a thought in my silly head about the possibility anything bad could ever happen to cute little me.  I'd often forget to lock the doors when home alone... And walking to school on dark winter mornings,  I'd be sure to take a shortcut through the creepy alley.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2021, 08:34:51 AM by jennifer kilmey »
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Offline grendel

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Re: Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2021, 11:42:04 AM »
 ;D   8)   Thank you for sharing  ::):
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carhamgrater
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Re: Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2021, 02:51:23 PM »
An incite into the mind of our resident Thanatophobia suffer that helps us to understand more about you. Hell even given me an idea for a story with a twist! merit awarded from me!

Offline Stabbingfan

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Re: Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2024, 03:09:38 AM »
Despite how many times I read your stories, which are brilliant to the last one, I feel some kind of inexplicable fascination with this little confession. For a simple reason: it resembles so very much my own cravings towards the impossible, cruel and sexual dreams, hidden deep and remaining unspoken for decades. From time to time I felt a kind of guilt for being such a villain.

My secret desires were always focused at any kind of injury on the lower belly and/or the belly button. So similarly to you, one day I had one of these dark dreams for having the soft lower belly of one of my classmates slowly ripped open and her intestines violated. But since I couldn't do anything else, I tried a perverted way to "cause it" to myself, involving other completely unsuspecting classmates. So, I was maybe 8 years old. We all had our lunch in the canteen of the primary school. The queue of all the pupils was winding along the walls. There was a long metallic bench for all to slide their trays with meals at the perfect height of the lower belly. The bench had a wonderful glittering corner on its front end. So, I decided to press hard my belly on it. It dug deep and a sweet pain spread all over my belly, giving me a kind of almost innocent excitation. But it was not enough for me, I wanted it for longer and the "help" of others. So I remained and stayed with the metallic corner pressed in my guts, and doing this I blocked the forward movement of the line of hungry pupils. Within seconds they began passing by me and being really angry at me for being an obstacle in the narrow space, each single one of them took the chance to press me even harder to the steel corner with the weight of their body when bypassing me...

This was the very first experiment with my fetish that gave me the strange mix of bittersweet pain and pleasure.

So many years full of fantasies and experiences passed away from this very first moment.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing such an innermost confession with us.

Offline grendel

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Re: Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2024, 05:59:18 PM »
Thank you again Jenny ... before I did not say that one of my favorite fantasies is of a firing squad where the target of the firing squad is the diamond formed by the two hip bones, the belly button, and the clit.  And then for the coup de grace the victim(s) must suck on the barrel of the pistol of the firing squad's commander ... earning the right for a quicker and less painful death ... unless they want to die slowly ... in agony.
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Offline Damp Kitten

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Re: Young Jenny's Mean Games (True confession)
« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2024, 10:13:29 PM »
That's a super hot confessional, girl.  I enjoyed that. 
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