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Author Topic: First forays into erotica messing with my head  (Read 98 times)
LtBroccoli
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« on: July 26, 2020, 11:58:52 PM »

Hey everyone.  Lt. Broccoli here, and I just needed to get something off of my chest, and see if these things are common or not.

So, I'm working on two main stories right now.  These are my first attempts at writing erotica and novel formats.  I've written on and off for a long time, but most of it has been either screenplay stuff, comedies, non-sexual dramas, or a lot of wrestling promos.  I want to challenge myself as a writer, as a storyteller, and as a person.  Doing so I've noticed a couple things.

First, I'm a fucked up person on the inside.  Not because of writing rape scenes, but because I feel like I can get into the heads of the characters a little too well.  It's part of why I'm trying to avoid first person omniscience with these stories.  I don't want to know what they're thinking, I want to show it instead.  I don't want to live there, I just want to visit.

Speaking of being fucked up, I'm having a very hard time relating to when a victim would cry out for their parents.  Here's the short, short version.  After writing an intensively long rape scene with two adult victims I realized they didn't cry out for help from their parents, not that there was a good opportunity for it.  Then, I thought further and realize that none of my characters in any of my stories have ever done that.  After a little introspection, I realized that no stories I've written in the last 20 years have that.  Every character might as well be an orphan with how I've written them, and I realize that it's because of how I grew up.  I've only come to realize in the last couple years how much my childhood sucked and that because of that I project that onto a lot of my characters.  I'm realizing I have a harder time relating to a normal person than a psychopath in some situations.

I ramble a lot, and that shows up in my writing.  I'm very obsequious.  I'll use 20 words when 5 will work.  Even with actively shrinking it takes me forever to get to the point.  I like the build-up and detail, but not everyone does and I have to keep that in mind.

Also, the stories have curved.  They've gone off of the original path and taken on a life of their own.  One story feels like it won't let me end it.  In The Club of Chester County, I'm writing a very long and very intense rape scene.  I'm over 100 pages long in MS Word with 30-40 for setup, about 15 for the aftermath, and the rest for the action itself.  I've spent many hours writing this, and I'm finally at the end, but I just keep going.  I have other stories I want to tell, but I feel like I need to wrap up this section.  Something weird happened when I was writing the last couple scenes of the attack and one of the participants became slightly sympathetic, even though he might be the worst of the lot.  He's now become one of the only characters in the story where we hear his thoughts, and most of those are the guilt he feels for setting up the attack.  I know I should cut it here, maybe revisit things in a different section, but some weirdness happened and I feel like if I don't address it in the story now, it'll creep up in another section where it should never show up.  Somehow a rape based erotic story became a study on Stockholm Syndrome.

Finally, I think I made a mistake in basing some of the characters in my stories off of people I know, not knew.  There's a couple people I interact with that I used as the template for some characters.  In this case, two of the rapists in the previously mentioned attack.  Even though the characters are evil mirror-universe versions of them, I have to fight the urge to call them by the names I wrote for them.  Going forward I won't use people I interact with regularly.  At least if I do, don't make them thoroughly evil.

That's it for now.  I hope to have more stuff posted this week when time permits.

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dawnamber
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« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2020, 07:58:03 PM »

Ironic how that works. I'll be writing a story. I'll add to it every day for weeks on end. It just keeps adding to itself. I'm very random and so my stories are too. For the most part , it fits. The other irony is..sometimes I want to finish a story and one of two things happen..#1 I don't feel it any more, so I write nothing, leaving it hang there in limbo or #2 I try to stop, but it is living and breathing almost on it's own..and I just keep going like the energizer bunny.

And any good author, can relate to some parts of their stories. It might be one thing in one story and something totally different in another. It's not unusual to feel your words either, though I appreciate your ability to not get too close to it. There is a very fine line between fantasy and reality and if you go too far in fantasy while dealing with reality, fantasy can breathe far more than it should.

And I do not relate well to stories involving younger girls. Or guys. Maybe because I was raped at age 12? Or maybe because of my profession? At any rate, I just struggle enjoying them. That being said, speaking from a real opinion based on reality, younger girls do cry out for their Mommy. Or Daddy. Or both. Whereas, teens won't..

just my 2 cents

Dawn
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LtBroccoli
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« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2020, 06:34:59 PM »

Thanks Dawn.  I just kept writing that section until I got to a point where it felt like a logical conclusion based on where it was heading, but it was much more in-depth than I ever intended to go.  The last 10-15 pages could have and should have been a paragraph or two at most, but the story just kept going.  I'm at the point where I'm calm with how it's going to end for now, but I also have plans for some of them in future parts of the tale.

I can always change it before I post it and see how the story fits then.  If the current conclusion (a semi-happy ending and a tortured mind) keeps working, I'll publish it as is.  If not, I can always rewrite it to where I was heading to earlier (darker endings for the victims and a psychopath acts like nothing happens).
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