Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled while she was on her menstrual cycle? They say she had a mean flow.

Going window shopping can be a real pane in the glass!

Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords.

[vile8r]

My barber shop has this sign out front:   Hair today, Gone Tomorrow

My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.

[Rachel_Thornton]

I was at a pizza restaurant the other day and heard the couple on the next table order. The waiter asked if they wanted the pizza cut into six or eight slices and the man replied "Six slices, we'll never eat eight!"

I have given up on my stand up comedy routines. Everybody just keeps laughing at me.

[vile8r]

The doctor asked if I wanted a shot. I said, "Sure, if you're pouring!"

The doctor asked if I wanted a shot. I said, "Sure, if you're pouring!"

Now that earns a merit!

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?

[vile8r]

I've barely been in jail for five minutes and I've already been raped. This is the last time I play Monopoly with my perverted uncle! 

Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. When she noticed me, we went for a run.

[vile8r]

Two cannibals are eating a millionaire. Afterwards one of them is holding his stomach. "I knew it," he says. "I can't handle rich food."

Two cannibals are eating a millionaire. Afterwards one of them is holding his stomach. "I knew it," he says. "I can't handle rich food."

yet another merit!

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

[Rachel_Thornton]

My boyfriend said to me earlier today that he might not be a weatherman but I can expect between seven and nine inches tonight!

I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day. Roll on Monday!