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Author Topic: Patronizing things  (Read 411 times)
Grumpy
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« on: January 29, 2020, 11:17:37 AM »

I'm trying to fit misogyny into a story right now. I'm talking extreme but subtle misogyny, not a man screaming "whore" at a woman. Instead I'm looking for extremely patronizing things, like explaining how a toothbrush works to a grown woman, or letting everyone in the room know that your wife can't do anything right except spread her legs.

I guess I'm running dry on ideas of how to do it.

So, to my question:

Has someone said something to you that implied that you were stupid, less worthy or good for nothing? Or can you think of something that would? What is/was it?

Doesn't have to be words - actions are even better! For example, I know a girl whose "daddy" ties her shoelaces for her "because she's too little", even though she's 25.

How would you communicate misogyny through a lifestyle?
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theshamegame
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« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2020, 11:27:55 AM »

Despite being a 25 year old woman, I’m always told that I need to have someone walk with me if I go outside for a walk or something. My roommate and aI are both women and everyone in our lives insists that we WALK TOGETHER if we plan to go outside. It’s so annoying. I know there’s crime in the world, but grown ass women shouldn’t be pressured and lectured to do a buddy system Every time they step outside. Not to mention that I’m always told to buy pepper spray, but my brother isn’t.

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90lbsofdynamite
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« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2020, 11:33:55 AM »

A about year and half ago, when I brought a fugitive into a police station, one of the cops present as we turned him in said the following.

"How'd you do it, little girls, one of you spread your legs as he gasped and ogled the other one hit him over the head with brick or something?"

Another time, while playing with his handcuffs, another PI told me, "it's simple, even you or your girly partner there should be able to understand this, you just smack their wrist with cuff and it does the rest."

It can be subtle,  "When you get used to your job, it all be easy then. If it isn't just let me take care of the problem for you." Meaning I'd never be able to do job. I heard one man tell his wife at dinner party, "Who'd of thought cook was such a difficult production." He felt the roast wasn't to his liking. I think he just wanted to put her in her place after several of the women asked her for the recipe, cooking time, and her tricks.
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« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2020, 11:44:00 AM »

I am left handed and throughout my life I've been told I'm stupid and "can't write for shit" that my writing is like that of a child and had an ex boyfriend who would insist on writing things for me so that he could understand them later. It made me very self conscious to the point I hated writing anything.

To love writing but to be afraid of showing it to anyone in case I was laughed at hurt me so much.
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Grumpy
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Enslavement of beauty is nature in action




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« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2020, 03:50:04 PM »

I didn't expect to get such quick and good responses Tongue

Thank you all, and keep 'em coming. I will most likely use all of these in some way, shape or form.

Guys are also welcome to contribute, of course!
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Jessica_33
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« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2020, 04:03:57 PM »

Being called Bossy at work, for just outlining instructions

Constantly asked to put the kettle on by the man I work closely with.
Being ignored when I give advice in regard to the same advice a man would say almost on anything. 

Always asked and this is by other women, when am I starting a family?
As if I’m totally just here to have kids and that’s that. That pissed me off the most

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90lbsofdynamite
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« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2020, 04:18:41 PM »

Bit off the subject, I like the color scheme in this thread!

I hate it when a man comes to my office for a meeting and is perturbed he has to report to me. "I could be out there doing my job if I didn't have to tell what my job is," was the last thing of my men employee's ever told me.
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« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2020, 10:59:19 PM »

This is one of my favorite subjects. Being patronizing to women, talking down to them, mansplaining, taking certain behaviors for granted... anything that frustrates women or makes them indignant and self-conscious can make a fantasy so much richer. I have to admit that I'm not totally innocent of all of these things in real life, though it's true for myself and for a lot of other guys that we often don't even realize when we're doing it.

A few ideas and thoughts, as well as suggestions I've heard when discussing this topic with women:

Referring to women as "girls" at all times. Never "women" or "ladies".

Telling women how you prefer for them to look. Telling them they look prettier when they dress a certain way, when they don't wear makeup, or anything that suggests that they do what they do for the sake of male attention.

Placing certain expectations on them at work, like making or fetching coffee, decorating, emotional labor (using them as a sounding board when you want to complain, etc.)

Lecturing them. Telling them "how it is." For a proper male chauvinist cavemen, asserting your dominance is always more important than the actual matter at hand.

Laughing or acting smug when they ask questions or make mistakes.

Correcting them. "Fixing" things for them. A little adjustment to their hair or their clothing... or their spelling, grammar, punctuation, vocabulary... or something more labor-intensive. There's nothing quite like the gallantry of sparing the delicate girlies from having to make a bit of an effort.  Tongue

Context is everything. From the right person at the right time it's helpful, endearing and sweet. If you're the wrong person or it's the wrong time, you're just being creepy. Or you're a smug asshole who thinks he's God's gift to women. Consider the myriad possible dimensions in the act of simply calling a girl "nice", "sweet", "cute", "sexy" or even "smart". Maybe she doesn't want or need validation from men. Maybe she craves it and hates being reminded of that fact.

Sometimes a compliment is just a way of telling her what you value in a woman... and that her other traits and qualities are meaningless or unworthy of being noticed. Always boil it down to something simple and broad. Everyone likes a nice girl. No one likes a bitchy one. Let her know that complexity and depth of personality are traits for men, not women. They're here to please us, after all.    Wink
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Kylie
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« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2020, 10:23:55 PM »

In science fields, if you are right about something, men don't think you are smarter, just annoying
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« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2020, 09:39:54 PM »

I know a couple, where the man is very patronizing and condescending to his wife.  Was at a party with them recently where she was having a few drinks and he was not drinking. She asked him why he didn't have at least one. His reply, and his tone was like a father talking to a 5 year-old, "You know I need my license to drive to work and if I drink what if I get stopped and lose my license, because you know I'm the only one of us working right now, so if I lose my license we're screwed!"  Then he says , "But if you want to get all drunk you go ahead, you don't do anything at home anyways so if you have a hangover tomorrow you can handle it. Me, I have other things to do."

I was ready to smack him for the way he talked to her. His wife is a very sweet person and can't work due to some health issues. I could see she was almost in tears being put down and humiliated that way right in front of a bunch of her friends. And it's not the only time I've seen him act that way.  He does not physically abuse her and he provides for her quite well, but he regularly demeans and belittles her.
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« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2020, 09:02:31 AM »

Vile,

The abuse  this bastard gives his wife is far worse than physical....

Physical abuse eventually heals.

Psychological Abuse kills slowly, rotting the victim's psyche away until they have no leg to stand on.

You SHOULD have simply beaten the SHIT out of him.....

But then you would be in jail, and we would miss you.....

Tony V.              police
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« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2020, 11:59:37 AM »

My first boyfriend told me I should drop out of school because women's studies were just something to feel "self-important" and "wasn't like a real major."  I was pretty dumb and listened to him.  He regularly reminded me of how much smarter he was (mind you he was almost 20 years older so a lot of his "knowledge" was really just life experience), and he would regularly pat me on the head when I did something right. He was pretty much a shitty person all around who preys on girls half his age who just don't know better.
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