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Author Topic: Reasons for rape fantasy?  (Read 5664 times)
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« Reply #60 on: August 12, 2017, 11:53:37 AM »

I was raped by many at an early age (12) . I did not turn the attackers in, because I believed the family would divide if I did. It was not in my immediate family, but I did not want the whispers at family functions if I turned them in. It was  bad enough with it being strangers.

I loved parts of the rape. It took me years to admit it to myself. The loss of power, control and the massive amount of humiliation. It is mainly these reasons I pursue stories and occasionally set up rapes in life with trusted souls. It is a safe alternative. And being a psychologist has it's advantages. I know I would tell myself "don't follow this path".. but I do because it's part of who I am. I like to think if someone came to me with similar issues, I'd understand their feelings not just letting them be another textbook response.
Same. I also had so many daddy issues that I lusted a bit after him in the nonspecific generic ways that girls do.

Yes. Orgasms were the norm, actually. As disgusting as the person who abused and raped me when I was young he was very good at sex. He also had a obscenely large cock, which while I enjoy now it just made me feel weird and unsure being raped fairly gently? I mean, recognizing that he was expending effort to not hurt me but wouldn't stop was confusing, which I now realize was the point. I always had submissive sexual fantasies ever since I understood the concept, but I was still stupid enough not to realize that his fetish of humiliation and defiling me would have been there even if it wasn't "sort of" what pushed my buttons. He flat out admitted to being a pedo -- like Tori Amos says just because you can make me cum doesn't make your Jesus, but rubbing the nose of a hormonal twelve year old that a dirty man rapist made you orgasm is a pretty big monkey wrench in the brain, especially when done repeatedly. Long story short I'm ashamed to admit that it wet on until I left the house and was quite infatuated, I got jealous when my abuser gave anyone else attention and let him humiliate me to his heart's content.

My current boyfriend is only similar in the same way crystal pepsi is to pepsi. He's twice my age but I don't know if it is about my generation of males but they seem a bit submissive. Which is cool, actually, I am a feminist so I don't believe being a slutty fucktoy is in anyway a female thing. I tried to date a few guys my own age but they WERE college educated, so maybe that explains their absolutely vagina-drying of repeatedly asking for consent. It seems to be the thing these days but when I hear someone ask if they can put something inside me or touch me I just want to ask 'I dunno, can you?' Its insulting but maybe I just think that because it is so unsexy -- I will definitely beat the shit out of you if you can't take my hints. I actually had someone ask me if he could come in my mouth, while I was bobbing my face down on it. Are girls such shrews these days that they will ruin fellatio by taking the guy's cock out of their mouth when they start to come?! If a man was between my legs and then just got up right when I was going to come they better be SUPER DOMMEY... like, the borderline DV slap and drag me around by the hair to convince he was punishing me and not just being an asshole, or he would be dead.

People who aren't abused by people they know usually have only a single incident, but even then it isn't super uncommon. I think there were times that I might have been raped by strangers/acquaintenances (i.e. i said no multiple times, and they seemed like they could overpower me) but ended up just shrugging and going along with it. I had a habitually, almost medical, problem with putting myself in that situation because the main difference between the type of guy I like (that will take me/use me roughly with my consent) and a rapist is one is a asshole sociopath and the other is husband material.

PenitentGirl, some guys ask to establish consent prior to the act hoping to prevent future rape allegations. Once the notion that they abuse women sexually is presented to the public imagination then it's very hard to break. Take it from someone who been accused of child molestation, in the public eye there is no innocent until proven guilty, same with rape!

it's only rape if she understand that she has to say no,orates it clearly and sign that she said no!

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« Reply #61 on: August 23, 2017, 03:25:08 PM »

I'm not sure how well my reply matches this thread but the time I came closest to taking my own life, I remember thinking about whom I could call to save me. . .my foster mom, she couldn't save me, she would only worry and then call me constantly to make sure I was okay but that would just make it worse. . .my best friend, she had her own problems if I called her to save me, it would just add more stress to her life and increase her own dispare...

I thought of new one I could call to save me but didn't have the guts to kill myself.  At my next therapy session I asked my therapist about it and she gave me a very profound answer. . .

"Do you know why when you were trying to think of who to call when you thought of ending your life you could not come up,with anyone" she asked?  "No" I answered.

"If you really truly wanted to end your life, do you REALLY think anyone could stop you if you REALLY wanted to kill yourself" she asked?

I sat there quiet several minutes, thinking of the ways I might do it and thinking of the friends and family I might call and you know what, after several minutes of thinking I understood the answer to her question was, "No."

She followed that up with a tougher question, "So who is the ONLY person who can stop you from ending your own life if that is what you think you want to do"?

Again I thought hard about my answer for several minutes, "Me" was the only answer.  Only I could choose to save myself.

I'll never forget those words and questions and answers.

Only I could decide it was worth continuing to live.

That was the last time I got close this actually ending my own life.

I want another minute, of another day.  I want to see another sunrise.  I want to feel another kiss.  I want to hold another person's hand. 

I didn't want to hurt those I cared about. 


People who think of suicide and then wonder how to do it or who to call, are really just fighting themselves. The innocent part of you inside, is that voice that directs you to think to call others. Even if you don't. That voice is using deflection to keep your mind away from harm. I'm glad your therapist used such wise words, but I'm doubly glad, you heard them.


Being Happy, doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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« Reply #62 on: August 24, 2017, 01:34:52 PM »

Powerful stuff penitent

"I thought I'd given up rape, but I've changed my mind."  Clint Eastwood.  The eiger sanction.

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« Reply #63 on: September 07, 2017, 02:17:54 PM »

 I'm lucky. I've never suffered sexual abuse, unlike some of the people who've posted here. My respect to them, and their strength.

 I'm a middle manager in a large organisation. My working environment is about 75% male, and that proportion holds for the twenty of so members of my team.

 I think I'm a good person to work for. I don't bully or belittle. I keep everyone in the loop. Mine is a happy team [I think].

  Maybe a misogynist would say that I have rape and bondage fantasies because I'm in an unnatural position, having authority over men. And that I'm subconsciously trying to find my 'true' position in the pecking order.

 It's more likely that I'm a mild control freak, both at work and at home. And that I'd love to have that control taken away from me so that I could enjoy [is that the right word?] what followed without guilt.

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

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Punish artists, we'll work harder...

« Reply #64 on: September 07, 2017, 04:32:18 PM »

For me, it's to understand sexual abuse.  (All kinds, not especially rape.)  Through the abusers, one of my personal FAQs is "What makes someone do that?"  And therapy for the sexual abuses I've suvived/witnessed/talked about with others. 

Denial doesn't change anything
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