Yes it is a stawman because you're assuming I ask girls on this site for proof pics and personal info when that's not actually the case.

You're also saying I thought it was wrong for a woman to refuse such demands when that's not the case.

Not exactly what a new person wants to see.  Just saying.  Sort of Scary.

If it makes you feel better, we know of zero cases where a guy from this site has raped a girl from this site.

[drakan]

Not exactly what a new person wants to see.  Just saying.  Sort of Scary.

Don't worry, we're not all like that, at least most of the people I see posting seem to have common sense, and at least as far as an internet forum goes you can always just block and report people who are like this

I have already gotten a request to Skype.  But it wasn't a demand and it was a very polite back down after I rejected the idea.

In my experience if your chat/fantasy/RP/whatever actually makes your partner hot then they will reveal themselves to you voluntarily.

Yes this is my experience too.
Someone I was chatting with recently, I asked to see pictures of her because she mentioned that her boyfriend would take humiliating pictures of her and show them to his friends, and that turned her on. Shortly later I was fortunate enough to see such a picture.

There are some "fakes" out there I know that for sure. I mentioned before that I met one guy who was posing as his ex girlfriend online and trying to convince someone to fly over and rape her. If you think soneone's a fake, your best bet is to just not talk to them. Let them do what they do and engage people you're interested in instead.

[Brokenwing]

LittleRiver you have described this so well.

I too get the "Hi bitch" emails as well as many of the other things you described.

I'm very happy there are some good guys here that speak up sometimes to some of the "not so nice ones."

For myself and to maybe have a chance to help someone who has gone through some of the same things I have survived I have openly posted here about surviving and even healing from CSA but am on occasion as you described messaged with nothing first other than tell me what happened to you.  A. I already have posted what I'm comfortable posting and unless a person is truly challenged it's not hard here to figure out how to see all a person's posts.  B. If they really do want to understand you would think they could at least make a few posts, participate in some of the discussions and C. If ya really want to know something be specific and ask what you want to know, not just say "Tell me what happened to you."

If they really want to know things about people here why not just make some posts yourself. 

Great thread!

I think it's outrageous that, as a male, no one sends me obscene messages...

On a more serious note this is the internet.  Give human beings anonymity and we can find ourselves doing all sorts of things we might not otherwise do.  The very thing that allows you to explore these fantasies or things that have happened is the very thing that facilitates and encourages this kind of lewd behavior.  I'm not sure if it's good or bad and to be honest I think it's neither but rather an obscure reflection of humanity and, as with everything in life, you take the good with the bad.  Also, this site is probably different things to different people.  I don't get the picture thing because there's no shortage of beautiful women scantily clad, often in acts of extreme debauchery, already available.  I guess if your talking to someone and it's personal and the picture is for you and you know them it's different.  I don't know and I don't care because that's not what this site is to me.

My point is, if a teenage guy comes on this site having a wank do you really expect them to treat it the same as a survivor who's maybe here for other reasons.  That teenage guy is maybe trying to work things out.  There's something fucked with masculinity in the Western World.  I'm not saying you shouldn't tell them where to go but I think there may be different perspectives and assumptions.

[jt84]

Okay, I haven't been active on RU for a while because of personal and health issues, so I don't know if what's being talked about here is a *new* thing here.

I'm also a guy, so maybe wouldn't have gotten much of the same.

I *want* to say it boggles the mind - except it really doesn't, it's depressingly unsurprising - how many times, how many people behave in ways that are just, to me, inappropriate for a person with the least little bit of common fucking sense.

I'm not putting up a picture of my face, or sending it to you, unless I *know* you and have known you long enough, and know you well enough, that I know it's not going to get out and ruin my career.  I wouldn't expect that from you, either.  Yes, some people out there are fake, using pictures of models or girls they know and trying to get attention or get their personal purpose met.  Some are underage.

So if Cyber or RP is your thing, do it with people whose behavior and communication indicates a higher age and maturity - full sentences, good grammar, adult vocabulary, etc.  Be cautious and try to ask "you *are* over 18, right?"  And don't play scenes that touch on things like pedo or snuff with a random person you've just met on chat or PM, because you could be touching off a major can of worms (not my type of scene, personally, anyway - but I'm making a point, dammit).  Take some precautions, if you do these things, but also just apply the same damn rules to them that you apply to yourself.

And if you're someone who shares pics of yourself openly, maybe you have a little more leeway to say "I'd like to see X" but it's like anything else these days - you have no fucking right to demand someone give you something.

When I was younger there'd be a part of me that would go "people don't *really* do that, do they?"  Now I just go "...goddammit, you fuckers, you should fucking know better."

[Nyx]

It's not new here. I remember reading one of Ray's posts when I first joined that was about this same topic but from his perspective. He basically said that we should be willing to give up our pictures just because guys want them.   

I post mine because everyone at my job knows very well that I'm into kinky sex and while I will eventually have a career, no one is going to give a shit what I'm into when I'm not at work. I'm also not worried about someone coming and finding me. They'd be dead before they got through the doorway. But some people aren't psychotic like I am.

Anywho...I don't get a lot of picture demands but I do get messages where guys will just assume I want them. They'll jump right in like "fucking whore...blah blah" or they'll refer to me as their "rape buddy". And that's why I have a Louisville slugger with 10" nails pounded through the end. Actually it's not, but it serves many purposes.

[jt84]

I'm very grateful for some of the pictures you've shared, Nyx.  You've warmed a few lonely nights, I don't mind admitting.

I suppose it boils down to this.  Shitheads are out there.  If you are not one of them, and not used to them, it can be hard to believe some of these things really happen.  If you are used to them, it is like I said; "Goddammit, you fuckers, you *should* know better."

How to deal with them?  They generally don't realize how shitty they're being, and they justify it.  And let me be clear; some of the reasons aren't completely shitty ones.  You're straight and you want to make sure you're actually dealing with a straight woman, and not a balding, middle-aged, basement dwelling creep?  Okay, you know, I can understand that.  And maybe they have a right to ask and aren't shitty to *ask* for a picture.  But when that "ask" turns into "demand" things change.  When they refuse to take no for an answer, they are being shitty.  And when they start harassing you for it, they're being complete and total wastes of carbon.

And when they hold a double standard out - demanding but refusing to give back - they are scum.  I don't post pictures, generally - I recently put one of my torso up, but I do not include my face because I have a job where it could come back to haunt me someday.  And a woman is just as likely to have such a job.  So if I'm going to RP but only want to RP with a "verified" woman - well, I'm gonna have to be very very very picky and only get ladies like Nyx, here, and that's just the price of doing business.

Honestly, my opinion/perspective on these matters is one that I consider fairly based on common sense.  It's infuriating seeing so many people *not getting it* and it's like "you guys... you're fucking things up for the rest of us by being shitheads, stop it."  Because then women have to be cautious about all guys, (see: #notallmen) because even if not all guys are that way, enough are that way and it has made many women feel concerned, cautious, hesitant, skeptical - however you think the appropriate terminology is for the situation.

Of course, there's a "notallwomen/yesallwomen" corollary to discuss if I'm being fair, but that's not what's at issue in this topic.

All of you, all of us, are right to be cautious.  In general and online in particular, and on a board like this in specific.  And the kind of shit you ladies have divulged here just proves/demonstrates it.

[Nyx]

Well thanks :)

I think it's nice for all the ladies to see that there are some nice guys on here. And we appreciate you.

Just in case any of the shitheads are reading this, a lot of us do send photos. The secret is if you want them, DON'T ask for them. That's why some guys on here have pictures of all of the ladies hahaha.

If anyone ever wants to know for sure that I'm a woman, they can ask Algore. He's seen me. Everywhere. :)

Well now.. I dinnae post too often do ya ken.

But here's my two cents on the subject at hand.

Yeah..... A LOT of assholes on the net, and on a board like this given the generally taboo nature of the subject matter, .... there's theoretically gonna be a higher concentration of them at any given point in time, hopefully most of em don't stick around too long though. Especially in the face of reasonable rejection.

It is an unfortunate cost of being active in chat on the internet, assholes abound, (me for example ) Thankfully there's lots and lots of members here who aren't assholes.
So the best ya can do is try to deal with the non assholes and hope the assholes don't piss ya off too badly.

As to the whole "tell me what happened to you" thing. I am afraid I don't understand it. I keep the lines between fantasy and reality pretty sharply defined in my own head, and I don't WANT to try and get off to someone's story of really getting raped. I'd listen if asked (and I have been asked a couple times IRL.) But not for strokin purposes, that crosses my mental boundaries and is something I find a bit worrying.

Gods... that last paragraph makes me sound like an condescending ass, can't really see a better way to word things though. So as I mentioned above..ich bin ein arschloch.

REALLY hope that's right.

Anyhoo that's my take on things. And now I think you can see perhaps, why I dinnae post so often.

[Dire Wolf]

This is only tangentially along the same lines, but you still might find it interesting.

I used to be very involved in Second Life, which can be a really exciting place for rape fantasists and sex lovers in general. I was “married” there three times and even had a RL hookup with a woman I met there.

My last hot relationship about three years ago was with a French woman. We hit it off immediately and fell deep in love. Her friends became my friends and vice versa. For more than a year, we had wonderful times in and out of bed. Eventually we had a huge wedding attended by at least 20 people from all over the world. I moved into her lovely house and soon she was pregnant with our baby.

But as sometimes happens in Second Life, things got TOO intense. I had seen it before and even experienced it myself. SL can become more important than RL and RL suffers because of it.

She wrote a long letter detailing that very phenomenon and said goodbye to all of her SL friends and lovers. The biggest shock was she signed it Gilles, a man's name. I'm certain that jaws dropped all over Europe and North and South America. We were all astounded, me especially. And to this day, as far as I know, she has never made contact with any of her dear friends, ex-lovers, doms or even her husband.

My second-biggest surprise in all of this was that I felt no anger whatsoever at having been duped like that. It taught me that connecting with another human being, even falling in love with one, is not really dependent on gender at all. Obviously, this can only happen through the anonymity of the Internet, but it CAN happen. Love is love. And it's pure.

Gilles apparently was born into the wrong gender because he/she was the consummate female. To this day I remain fascinated by her/him and would like nothing more than to just talk to her/him about all that happened.

I'm not sure this applies very well to what's being discussed in this thread. It's just something interesting that happened to me and it taught me a lesson I still value.

PS: I've never had a gay impulse in my life and still don't. If you have any doubt, read my stories in the RU library. 

[Mindfucker]

I know that most forums discourage bringing old posts up, but I feel this one needs a bump.  I am male, and I am still somewhat astonished that women visit this site at all, let alone make meaningful contributions.  But I appreciate that they do, and I would like to encourage them to stick around.  Seems that even a woman with a rape fantasy still appreciates (and DESERVES) some respect.   

Great thread, LittleRiver. As soon as I joined RU, I got several solicitations that immediately started off rude and insulting. "Hey cunt slut, where do you live?" "So how do you like your pussy shredded?"

I also agree with: Brokenwing, draken, animalinstinct, plesuregrunt, Nyx, jt84, Desgi, Direwold and Mindfucker. These are the reasonable people. The jerks won't even bother reading past the first post because they do feel entitled to act this way. "It's the bitches problem, not theirs if they can't handle it." they justify.

[Houdgreep]

Oh yes, the eternal (and infernal) demand for pictures. I've had my fair share of contacts breaking off to deadly insults (just recently one found it necessary to call me "Another person to sadistically jerk my heart.") just because I didn't send a picture on request.

I also understand where it's coming from. I've read my share of "how to stay safe in dating" advice, and most state that someone who doesn't give pictures must be unreliable. The most humorous one was where the next line after that was: "Never give out pictures." How on earth two people are ever going to find a click if they follow both pieces of advice is a complete mystery to me.

My own way is straightforward, I generally do not ask for pictures, I advice against it, and I do not give them out. There is one exception to this, I sometimes get the request for degrading comments on a person's looks. If that is not accompanied by a picture, I ask how I can comment on her looks if I don't know what she looks like in the first place.

Generally, for meeting, I follow the old rule of the Resistance and Warsaw Pact dissidents: Have a drink in a public place.

First time messages: Always a difficult subject. I generally have given up on messaging unless following up on some forum
thread. Just doesn't work, practically all friendships I have came from her messaging me or a thread turning into a friendship. It's interesting to see how people indeed send the "slut whore" routine on such groups. Maybe they take the desire a bit too literally. Of course I've seen my share of profiles stating: "Don't say anything nice to me. I'm a slut to be abused." OK, that may be different. But where does it say if someone has rape fantasies that she wants to be insulted and raped by every guy on the planet?

Just a bit of random rants about these two subjects and maybe some tidbits someone may find useful. My sympathies to all the ladies getting loads of abusive comments.