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Author Topic: Childhood experiences on fetish development  (Read 1803 times)
3t11
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« Reply #15 on: August 26, 2016, 01:06:48 PM »

 (reply to Neighbor)
 Thanks for understanding. It's really difficult to deal with issues that you both hate and love at the same time. My uncle and others taught me what I understand as evil, but deep inside somewhere it's the evil I love and live for...no, in reality, I'm not a child molester but in my mind and on paper I live it daily. It's this outlet that keeps the molester calm. Thank you very much for the compliment concerning my writing.
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My writing is somewhat suspect, which I suppose makes me suspect as well...the irony of it all is I love being wrapped in mystery leaving my readers even more suspicious...welcome to the other side, the side where few tread and those who do refuse to remain but only for a moment...then flee to the light.
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« Reply #16 on: August 30, 2016, 11:47:37 PM »

I think disturbing memories are why such incest is considered taboo.  And of course neither of you said no.  Especially the daughter. It was her father after all.  I hope she has resolved her feelings of shame after the fact, and this has not disrupted her life.
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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
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« Reply #17 on: September 16, 2016, 10:48:42 AM »

Not nearly as intense as some of you.  I was very shy as a kid, and through high school.  I suppose this gave me a sense of powerlessness with the opposite sex, and was the foundation for my interest in ropes and force fantasies. 
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[Bubbles]
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« Reply #18 on: March 04, 2017, 05:46:34 AM »

However, I often wonder if that powerlessness led to me having a strong rape fetish as I got older. Like many of you, I would never actually go out and rape someone. But the rush of power and control I get from RPing or chatting about just savagely violating a woman is intense. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets me off harder.

It's been said there's a strong correlation between abused children passing on their abuse. If so, this at least seems a healthy outlet. But I am honestly curious about your thoughts and experience. Is there anyone out there that has a parallel with my story and, if so, how do you process/deal with it?

I think similar reasons are why i write.  I had an ex all me once.  Why would i ever write about sick horrible things happening to women.  And i tried to explain that it's the only world in which i have any control. The man who raped me reappeared in my life years after the initial onslaught of attacks and all that control i thought i had in real life meant nothing.  So my characters suffer so i can get out that desire to hurt something as penance for how I've been hurt.....i think
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« Reply #19 on: March 04, 2017, 11:17:10 AM »

I suspect most of us are born with most of our sexual propensities set, and we figure them out as we go through life. Some are tougher than others, especially since as social being, we have to live in whatever culture exists around us. Lots of varied experiences, whether good or bad, give us things to think about and process and come to terms with, even if our conclusions differ from what our society tells us is okay.

Wow, so much psych talk and I don't even trust psychology. I guess it boils down to this: anything that happens to you can help you discover yourself.
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« Reply #20 on: April 24, 2017, 03:18:35 PM »

I believe mine comes from my older (4 years) brother wanting me to play "Monkeys" out in our barn. He only wanted to do the mating part, but man, I wanted to collect fake bananas and make a storage place and set up our "tree" and all kinds of shit! LOL  My brother was not nice to me. He was often physically and emotionally abusive to me, but he was still my brother, and I still loved him. I knew playing this monkey game was something we shouldn't be doing, but he was actually playing with me and not hitting me, so it was okay. How sad is it that playing sexual games with my brother was acceptable to me because it didn't hurt? But as the Cow in the movie "Babe" said: "The way things are is the way things are." I make no apologies for not resisting him, because he had a way of forcing me to do what he wanted me to do whether I fought or not, so why fight and possibly get hurt when what he was doing wasn't already painful? I had some shame about it when I was young, but not really that much because I realized I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I didn't tell anybody about it thought. Learned helplessness has followed me throughout my whole life, although I recognize it now and try to fight against it. I have no shame about it AT ALL now, and anybody who thinks I should (no one here, of course...just "normal" people) can take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

So, I said all that to say this: I love to fantasize about me being "forced" to feel overwhelming pleasure, and there's nothing I can do about it. I imagine that's part of the bit of guilt that still hangs on. What makes me grin is, my brother never would've had to force me to play his game. If he'd made it good for me, I'd have been the one beating a path to HIS bedroom instead. LOL  But he never figured that out. He was about 14, I was about 10. Sometimes, I bring out the fantasy of being that age again and him tying me up and licking me until I come all over the place, and then he fucks me. For me, the more taboo, the better, it seems. So I fit right in here.  Evil
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« Reply #21 on: April 24, 2017, 06:40:42 PM »

Indeed you do fit in, and that is a nice little fantasy you had going there at the end :)
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« Reply #22 on: April 24, 2017, 08:11:05 PM »

The first time I had a sexual encounter, I was raped at the age of 5. A few months later, my clitoris and both my labia minora and majora were surgically excised. I have only ever known sex to be a physically painful act.

That never stopped my libido. Or my fantasies.

In my dreams (nightmares?) I'm a whole person. No burns, no scars, all parts of me intact and in existence. But being forced is still the only way fantasy me can justify why sex is so painful. I can guarantee you my childhood experiences are what brought me here -- being raped as a little girl, no longer feeling pleasure from sex, etc. -- and what keep me coming back.

So yeah, I think childhood has an impact. I don't think I'd have these fantasies if I wasn't so conditioned to associate sex with pain. Because forced sex is painful. Sex between two people who love each other and want each other to feel nothing but pleasure -- that shouldn't be painful. Unless BDSM, which is a whole different conversation.
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« Reply #23 on: April 25, 2017, 03:48:46 PM »

I hate this happened to you, but I agree I think a lot of our sexuality as adults are defined during our childhood and teen years.
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"I thought I'd given up rape, but I've changed my mind."  Clint Eastwood.  The eiger sanction.
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« Reply #24 on: May 20, 2017, 04:51:20 AM »

I was not sexually abused as a child, but I did suffer severely from neglect. My parents were perfectly lovely people, but they were also both clinically insane. My father was a paranoid schizophrenic, my mother a manic depressive. Neither of them was in treatment or therapy, apart from those times one or the other would suffer a break, and spend a little time institutionalized. I don't blame them, though it would be a lie to say I harbor no deep resentments. I was unaware that my chronic neglect was what drove me to very young promiscuity. I was a "weird" kid, unpopular, few friends. When I discovered I could get affection and attention from men I thought it was terrific. Now, I said before that I wasn't sexually abused as a child- I suppose technically, the men who took advantage of my desperate desire for affection could certainly be called abusers, given that I was a child at the time, (13-16, roughly,) I didn't feel particularly abused, and my only regret for my youthful promiscuity is that I lacked the judgement and understanding to own that sexuality, and instead, let it own me. 

I think it's absolutely clear that I crave domination because of the discipline my childhood lacked, and being dommed by a strong, loving Top is incredibly empowering for me. What's less clear is how my past plays into my victim role/fetish.  I imagine my insistence that victims in my fantasies and the fiction I most enjoy must be "blameless" is a reflection of my own need to balm a subliminal guilt over having behaved the way that I did as a child- it wasn't my fault. As an adult, I rationally understand this, of course, and that sense of guilt is deeply rooted in my subconscious.

Of course, I only think about these things when I'm not indulging in my predilections of perversion, Grin  Whatever the cause, I do like what i like, and want what I want, after all, and happily enjoying it seems worlds better than repressing it. I own it. It does not own me.
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« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2017, 06:01:45 AM »

Its kind of like asking whether a soldier going into combat oversees will affect their interpersonal relationships back home or have anxiety/reactions during fireworks/other things that trigger memories of combat. The answer is also: Yes, they are almost all different and in generally negative but unpredictable ways. PTSD is more or less the same psychological response, even if the trauma is very different.
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