[Qahina]

The weirdness of honesty. I know many would find that strange but I personally never considered it to be rude to walk up to someone and say something like "You have astonishingly beautiful hair. My whole day is brightened just because my eyes fell upon the glory of your hair."
While the sentiment is basically the same, most women would be rather upset if I had said something like "I would love to fully enjoy the sensation of your hair, enjoy it's color and texture. I would love to pull you down by it."

I mean apart from actual harassment, why do we have to pack all those pretense and pretty words into it. Why don't we live in a world where it is to be a good think if someone appreciates the wonder of our presence. Sure personal space and creepy guys and all that. I sometimes wish I could walk up to a women (or even man sometimes) and say something like "I would love to sprinkle water on the tips of your breast right after your second orgasm just to see how the light would reflect of your erect nipples." Without getting into a world of trouble.

I enjoy beauty. Sure most of the time I would just love to do with her as I please for a few hours. I would just undress her to enjoy how her skin feels, give her clothes back and send her on her way. Not every women I see I would rape but almost all of them I would taste somehow.

How do you think about this?


Q.

[Lois]

I think many women would find it creepy because it presumes an intimacy with the woman that does not exist.  But we all have different tolerances, so some women would not be offended.

[9Fan]

Are we talking fantasies or real-world stuff?  Because I'd like to speak on the latter.

I'm a shy, somewhat introverted kind of guy.  On top of that, I also have minor issues with my body image - basically, I'm not terribly happy with it - and my self-esteem.  So, combining those things together, I find that I sometimes have a problem with even making eye-contact with a woman, especially if they are attractive, because then I feel like a creep, and I feel like they feel like I'm a creep.

It gets better once I know you better, of course, but even then, I reserve myself, because I don't want to ruin the friendship.  Honestly, of all of my women friends that I see away from the computer, I've only opened up to one or two of them on intimate matters to any degree.  And of course, no one knows about most of my kinks...

[Qahina]

I can relate to what you are saying very much, because I literally was the creep no one wanted to have anything to do with in my youth. I was the kind of teenager the unpopular kids made fun off because I ranked even lower than them. The thing is I was never any good at small talk. I wanted to tell the truth most of the time and learned (quite painfully) that we live in a world of unnecessary pretense.

I once saw an elderly women a few steps beside me while waiting on the traffic light to turn green. She had very long almost Disney princess silvery white hair and she looked like an elven women the way the sunlight sparkled on the silver streaks in the white. She did not look old but aged if you get the difference and I was in that kind of mood so I thought "what the hell" walked over to her and said "excuse me, even risking to sound creepy, I just have to say that your hair is fairy tale beautiful"

She looked at me, gave me the smallest smile and said "it took all your courage to say that to me didn't it?" I was baffled by that response and spent the better part of an hour talking to her. We spoke about beauty or the perception of beauty, she told me a little about her life or life in general and there is one sentence she said to me that is stuck in my head even now almost 20 years later.
She said to me the following: "No matter how awkward you feel now, how misplaced you will meet someone, most likely more than once and fall in love. But, if you plan a lasting relationship remember one thing. Love is what remains after all the attraction is gone. If you still have feelings then, you are in love, young man"

I had a couple of good, some bad and some disastrous relationships over the course of my life and she was right. After that I made it a point to listen to what my elders had to say and mainly because they were not so creeped out by me. Creepiness is also a very relative term. I took me a while but I realized that most people felt I am creepy not because I actually was but because I acted not age appropriate. Most of my circle of friends is 5-10 years older than I am.

Still there are a lot of people who think I am a little off and that's fine by me.

The thing is we never know what kind of experiences we can gain until we try and I would really like to live in a more honest world.
9fan, if you are anything like me in terms of awkwardness than try this. Seek a friendship with a women where sexuality is not a factor. I came to kind of a breakthrough with a good friend, she was a lesbian. I learned that a lot of my anxiety around women came from sexual insecurity and unfulfilled desires. If nothing helps and you are really stuck you could seek out counseling. I always had the good fortune of meeting people who knocked me on the right path from time to time but if that's not happening for you, make your own luck.

Q.

I fully agree with this line of thought. I see beautiful women every day at work, but we live in an environment in which the least said compliment could have you fired for sexual harassment, and yet
women dress to be seen (Please ladies, don't say you don't)

[Qahina]

I can relate to that Darklord. I had to go to a sexual harassment seminar once because my boss slapped his ex wife's behind as a good bye gesture in front of everyone and she felt disgraced, sued, got quite a bit of money and all management had to go to this seminar. The level of manipulative psychology they tried to used to get their point across is only surpassed in sadness that it actually worked with my colleagues.
There were two of them a man, dressed very very conservatively, and a woman, dressed not exactly provocatively but not far from it either. Guess what. Almost everyone said a small sad hello to the man and greeted the woman very friendly. I felt like smacking my forehead and also felt ashamed to share the same gender. Pathetic.

Although as the seminar went on I was a bit surprised by the harshness of sexual harassment laws here in Germany. If I went through my workday following the law It would go like this:
I would not comment on anybody, neither appearance nor mood nor nothing. I would only comment on work related stuff and only by avoiding any kind of adjectives that could even remotely refer to my state of mind. In essence I would only be allowed to say hello, good job bad job and that's basically it. Any comment on how someone looks or might feel even an "are you all right" are grounds for a sexual harassment charge if you go by law as written.

I was baffled by that because I had always thought to be on the safe side but of course there are colleagues you get along with better than other and some of them are female and occasionally I would say something as "feeling better" after they were sick for a week or so or even "you are looking good today" but nope, if you are the boss you might just might talk to someone on the same level in the hierarchy that way but only if they talked to you that way first. Believe me after that I have been very careful because a few months later a friend of mine had exactly that problem because he had said something innocent but after that the employee felt threatened and in the end he was let go because of fear of being sued.

I get the necessity of those laws but in my eyes roughly three fourths of all the problems could be avoided if people talked openly. I mean sure he/she might be the boss but in my experience in most cases a simple "I would like to keep comments on the professional level please" solves everything.

Q.

As a woman who doesn't really know how to dress provocatively or wear more then the most basic of make up. It would mean a lot to hear a guy compliment me. In any way, its just that persons opinion and they should be able to speak it freely without being seen as creepy.

So many women i guess feel like they are so beautiful that there is no way a guy can compliment them without wanting to get in their pants. *shrugs* I wish i could tell them to get off their high horse

Why wouldn't they compliment you? You are too hard on yourself.  You are attractive, just admit it :)

Pfft. And i say i am pretty average

And people rarely if at all compliment me to my face. I told you about my one recent experience and that's all that's ever happened with me. People do not say i look pretty or cute or anything when I'm around them, that's just the facts.

I disagree

[Surreal]

The thing that bothers me the most about such workplace training is it sets up and defines the "us vs them" mentality and then makes it acceptable, expected. It generates the double standard I would love to see disappear. As a woman, I can compliment anyone I choose. I can flirt and joke, using adult concepts and no one will blink, no one will admit being uncomfortable(where applicable) and I might actually bring a smile to someone's face, or make a difficult day more bearable.

I have never seen a scenario in the multitude of videos and playlets detailing workplace harassment, where a woman tells another woman she is looking good today and then the big red X blanks out the picture. (There may very well be, but I have never seen it) I do nail art and have had women take my hand so they can examine a design. No one would think to report this or be expect me to be fearful of such an encounter, to be creeped out. But if a man did the same, suddenly the scene takes on a weirdly dark, reportable edge. Why? I have very long hair and women have touched it, complimented the look. If a man played with my hair the way some women have, he would be in the hot seat quicker than he could untangle his fingers. Why? I can choose my personal space very well by myself. I don't mind catcalls. I left the house looking good and while I dressed to please me, it also makes me feel good that you noticed, in spite of the unimaginative way you chose to share your admiration.

Yes, I think we should have training at work, on how to handle difficult situations. A "pump up your confidence quotient" class would go a long way in helping people define, explain and commit to the way they choose to interact with the world and the people in it. Anyway, this went to a strange place. Next time I post, I promise to have a more cohesive train of thought lol.

[Qahina]

I could not agree more.

[9Fan]

And people rarely if at all compliment me to my face. I told you about my one recent experience and that's all that's ever happened with me. People do not say i look pretty or cute or anything when I'm around them, that's just the facts.

Well, I would, if I could.

<_<

Oh, wait, I can! 

You have a nice, realistically pretty look to you.  I won't derail this topic trying to describe it (because if I do, I'll go into a rant about why I hate the word butterface and the mentality behind it).  But yeah.  Where some guys (you know...idiots) would say, "She's a butterface, dude," I'd honestly look at you and think, "You're beautiful."

And then of course, that lustfully devilish side of me would start wondering how you would look in the middle of an orgasm...

...just like now. 

Cute, whenever i experience my first one outside of masturbation I'll take a pic