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Author Topic: Polyamory in a Master/slave dynamic  (Read 3978 times)
Lois
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« on: January 24, 2011, 01:58:37 PM »

This is another class I attended at the South West Leather Conference.  The description is provided below:

Quote
It can be difficult to balance the needs of different sorts of people within a Master/slave relationship. The aim of this class is to give participants some tools to help them navigate a successful journey with M/s when one or both of the people involved is poly. It is possible to be happy, healthy poly folks in a M/s dynamic and Master Kristina and slave Fink will give practical advice and a general understanding of the pitfalls and joys of such a lifestyle.
Presented by: Master Kristina & slave Fink

Unfortunately I lost my notes, but from what I remember the discussion talked about the following:

Sexual orientation includes people that are polyamorous by nature.  Poly is Greek for many.  Amorous is Latin for love.  Thus it defines a relationship with "many loves".

Jealousy is a problem in such relationships, and so is envy.  It is important to realize that Jealousy and envy are not the same.  Jealousy comes from selfishness, while envy comes from not having your needs met, or wanting more without depriving anyone else.  Accordingly Jealousy is bad, but envy is a sign that you need to communicate what you need.

There is also a word that is considered the opposite of jealousy and it is "compersion" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion  In short compersion means being happy for your partner(s) in poly relationships.

I wish I could remember more.  Please add any thoughts you might have.


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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
rockie00
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« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2011, 10:53:46 PM »

I have had the opportunity to be in a m/s relationship, but have always backed away at some point because of my fear of being addicted to it in a way I may not be able to walk away from. The characteristics of such a relationship are desirable to me and I have enjoyed them immensley but my sense of independence always stops me from fully commiting.
I'm in what you call a polyamorous now and have been for a number of years. He is away much of the time ( out of the country)and we have no secrets. We don't flaunt what we do when we are away from each other, but we both know. I have never been jealous but I'm aways envious of the women he spends his time with when he is not with me. He is a unique man. He says that by having this type of relationship there is always the possibility that I will meet someone closer to my age that I can grow old with. He is nearly 60 and I'm 34.
I doubt that I've added anything to this conversation but I just felt like joining in. Thanks Rockie
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Gryphin_Rampant
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« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2011, 01:26:37 AM »

My first introduction to "polyamory" was my father who cheated on my mother from about the 4th year of their marriage on out. He never stopped.  Well, ok, that was not officially "polyamory".  I agree and do not dispute in any way that cheating has anything to do with it, er, well, um, except something I learned from him.  In his day the capacity to love more than one person was 100% inconceivable by most of society and yet in the arguments I could not fail to overhear that was my father's position.
"I love you and I love her" or words / concepts to that affect.
< let's not argue that my mother should have left him - that is irrelevant to this discussion >

My introduction was being in love with "M" but feeling I could have more and knowing she would never agree.   I was formally introduced to the concept of polyamory and compersion after my 2nd marriage. 
30 day dating, she moves in
3 weeks later "we have to talk"
Ruh Roh
She said solemnly "I have to tell you 3 things"
1) I never want vanilla sex again  - Works for me. Don't forget, I'm the Dom
2) I am bisexual - Damn, you mean I get to have 3somes? - Yes and moresomes
3) I am polyamorus - um, er, is that contagious? - let me explain
Ok, so, let me get this straight or bi or whatever,
No jealously
No envy
No possessiveness
Um, and this is an issue?
The next two years were filled with wonder, fantasy fulfillment and a firm realization that I was easily able to love more than one person sans those three demons my father had to face.  I had no problem kissing my love on the lips and giving her a warm hug as she went out the door to her "secondary" - damn I dislike that word.
Today with my love I maintain physical monogamy by choice and refuse to swear it is permanent. She knows I am in love with my high school love as I hide nothing.  It is tertiary to note that while she is emotionally and physically monogamous her deceased husband was more like my father.  He had at least one other love which he did not hide.

My point:
Whether learned or genetic I am polyamorous and fortunate to have found a woman who accepts this even if she is a bit jealous and just a little possessive. 

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Tripp-N
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« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2012, 10:01:45 PM »

 I just recently learned what "poly" is, so forgive if I don't quite have it right. During one of our (Tripp-Ns lil slut and me) I shared I really want to see her with another women. She the informed me that she has had random fantasies of the same nature. She would rather it be with a new "girlfriend" than a one nighter. I agree it would be better this way as well, for her comfort mostly. So would that make her a poly? I want to make clear this is fine with me cause I love her and I know that there are things women can offer each other that I am just not built for. Any one with experiance in this would be helpfull. Just want to make this as good as possible. Thanks
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Lois
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« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2012, 06:17:15 PM »

I think if either of you have any jealousy it won't work.
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So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
Thirsty4It
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« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2014, 09:58:36 AM »

The next two years were filled with wonder, fantasy fulfillment and a firm realization that I was easily able to love more than one person sans those three demons my father had to face.  I had no problem kissing my love on the lips and giving her a warm hug as she went out the door to her "secondary" - damn I dislike that word.
Today with my love I maintain physical monogamy by choice and refuse to swear it is permanent. She knows I am in love with my high school love as I hide nothing.  It is tertiary to note that while she is emotionally and physically monogamous her deceased husband was more like my father.  He had at least one other love which he did not hide.

My point:
Whether learned or genetic I am polyamorous and fortunate to have found a woman who accepts this even if she is a bit jealous and just a little possessive. 

That is quite a story, congrats on that. I think that in many ways something along those lines is what my goal is in a strong Kink relationship. I could see loving and being with one person only the next go around, but if I was able to have a partner as understanding and secure as you had I would very much like to have that outlet to enjoy other people yet still have that strong bond with one woman. Now, where are all the strong, smart, secure, bisexual, poly Asian women? Cheesy
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amber_married
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« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2014, 12:21:26 PM »

Though I am not totally new to this concept, this is the first time I have heard a name given to it. While I can see the need for this in Dom/sub relationships, elements of it can also be quite useful to those of us in relationships with vanilla partners. Provided the partner can be open minded to it.
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Qahina
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« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2014, 03:58:07 PM »

I would have to deconstruct the concept a little to reply. Firstly the question whether a polyamorous relationship is possible or not I would propose kind of a contra thought. You usually have more than one friend, yes? Let's assume for a moment that all of you friends are "good friends". Would you say it is impossible to have more than one good friend or that it is a burden to balance one friends needs against the other? Your friends might even have completely different personalities. You might share a book club with one and enjoy action movies with another. To illustrate the point, we are complex beings in our personal as well as our sexual needs and regardless of gender preference I think it is quite possible to love more than one person.

It might be difficult to balance favoritism sometimes since you might have days when you would rather be with someone else just as it is true in friendships. Lovers who have a deeper emotional connection with you beyond the fulfillment of sexual needs should have the respect for you as well as intimate understanding of your feelings and thoughts to be able to share you in a way a friend would.

As a little clarification I am talking about love. Being in love with someone is another matter entirely. It is most of the time an all consuming state of mind driven by desire and I personally don't think one can be in love with in a polyamorous way.

Another matter entirely would be a long-term relationship with more than one person maybe even sharing living space. That would require a whole other level of trust and let's face it of planning too because in the real world your sub/slave/victim would not live down in your basement 24/7 and even then you would have to feed her occasionally.
In my eyes as long as the base goes beyond simple desire and is founded on respect and understanding in a deep and meaningful way then yes, I think it is absolutely possible. Some people are even wired that way and would or could not be with only one person.

Well and if it is just sex than most of the time it won't even come to the deeper attachment that would breed jealousy.

Q.
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Some People say it is their gratest pleasure to have a women bound and gagged. I say the greatest pleasure is to have a women trained so thats no longer required. True control does not need chains.
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