ravishu.com

March 28, 2017, 12:45:09 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Our users have posted a total of 182,181 posts.
This forum contains 12,556 topics.
We have 16,299 registered users.
Please welcome flintstone, our newest member.
 
   Home   Help Login Register  
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Too Mouthy to be a sub!  (Read 6652 times)
Lois
Dean
Masters Degree
******

Merits 296
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12,559




« on: November 02, 2010, 02:20:10 PM »

Or are you? 

In your mind what do vanilla, D/s, and M/s relationships mean?

What is a bottom, submissive and a slave?  If you use definitions of these terms from elsewhere let us know.  If they have different meanings in your own mind let us know that too.

When my brother was married and having troubles, the marriage counselor told him that there is no such thing as a totally equal 50-50 relationship.  One member is always dominant, and squabbles over this often leads to trouble.  If this is true, is the recognition and formalization of D/s within a relationship a good thing?

What happens when one partner is Dominant in one aspect but not in others?  Is the D/s relationship flexible enough to allow for this?

And remember that in this thread no one is wrong and no one is right.  This is a thread about feelings and perceptions.  Not correct and incorrect.
Logged

So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
RopeFiend
Dean
Masters Degree
******

Merits 231
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 4,494


only a Dean for tech help



« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2010, 10:28:21 PM »



I *like* Smart Assed Submissives... it gives me all the excuse I need for turning 'em over my knee!  Evil
Logged

Gryphin_Rampant
Undergrad
******

Merits 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 758





Ignore
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2010, 11:08:02 PM »

I consider myself to be "PreDominantly Dominant" within a relationship, er, most relationships.  My GF is allowed / encouraged to be fresh but that does not happen often.   

As for definitions, I think I use the "norm".
Top / bottom - more the physical
Dom / sub - more the psychological
Master / slave - more contractual
Logged
Lois
Dean
Masters Degree
******

Merits 296
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12,559




« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2010, 11:59:08 AM »

As I understand it:

Top/bottom = for play only.  I identify here mostly because for me it doesn't make sense to jump into any of the other kinds of relationships until I know I can actually respect and accept my partner in such a role.

Dom/sub = For me this is a natural thing that evolves in a relationship and comes out of respect for each other.  If I trust you to make decisions you become my Dominant, and I enjoy serving you.  I am very much a "my submission must be earned" kind of gal.  Accordingly I am typically suspicious of anyone who approaches me and says "because I am DOM you must submit to ME."  I am submissive to no one unless I choose to be.

Master/slave = I often see this as a more formalized relationship with strict protocols.  In this tradition anyone identified as slave generally follows protocols regarding how they approach anyone identified as Master.  Mostly I think of the leather tradition which focuses on service and mentoring (lots of value here),

but there are others who see it light of other traditions such as the Goreans  vomit1 where all women are "slaves" based on their gender.  


« Last Edit: November 07, 2010, 10:43:22 AM by Lois (Emily) » Logged

So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
Lois
Dean
Masters Degree
******

Merits 296
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12,559




« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2010, 12:47:51 PM »

More on submissive/slaves:

When I was being treated badly I stood up for myself and fought back, and even demanded an apology.  Because of this I was told by the person: "You are not really submissive."  This made me question my identity at the time, but I've learned several things since then:

1.  Submissive/slave does not equal doormat.

2.  Just because an individual identifies as submissive or slave does not mean they are YOUR submissive or slave.

So am I submissive?  To those that earn it yes, and can even identify as a BDSM slave to the right person.  But never assume that because you may identify yourself as a "Dom" or "Master" that any who identify as "submissive" or "slave" should call you "Sir".  All of these roles are conditional.

There are of course those that may disagree with me, and that is their right. 
Logged

So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
Gryphin_Rampant
Undergrad
******

Merits 26
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 758





Ignore
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2010, 01:33:17 PM »

Lois I think your views reflect that of most members of the BDSM / kink community.
Logged
Desmond
Campus Visitor
*

Merits 2
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1




Ignore
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2010, 03:45:26 PM »

I would think "mouthiness" is not a disqualifier in terms of whether a woman could be a submissive.
Of course that is my personal view and it is quite probable that others may disagree.
Logged
Lois
Dean
Masters Degree
******

Merits 296
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12,559




« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2010, 05:59:36 PM »

I wouldn't either Desmond, although I have met those that believe differently.  It is interesting how differently people view things. 

I recently saw that a class is being offered with this topic.  I'll have to find the details and post them.
Logged

So much oppression in our culture is based on shame about sex: the oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our bodies, our sexualities, are shameful. What better way to defeat oppression than to get together in communities and celebrate the wonders of sex?
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
BijouNoir
Guest

« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2011, 01:28:58 AM »

hmm...I think being mouthy is a subs right. Like you pointed out. Subs are people after all. But, it could also be said that if you are with the right dom then they could either.

A. deal with that and respect your wishes
or
B. not give you a reason to be mouthy in the first place

Logged
zillahpandorica
Freshman
**

Merits 4
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12





Ignore
« Reply #9 on: March 27, 2011, 02:18:34 AM »

Lots of Doms and Masters prefer their girls to be smart, to have opinions, and even
to be opinionated!  There's a certain class of men that just don't get turned on
by a girl who doesn't have a thought in her head or two brain cells to rub together.

At that point, just get a blow-up doll.  That's my opinion, anyway.   angel

Then again, I'm very mouthy.   Evil

And I also dislike Gor for the same reason--it assumes feminine inferiority and submission
in every case.  Kind of reminds me of a literary Taliban.  I have a friend who's a Gorean,
and in spite of his "code", he slips into treating me like a human being.
Logged

Oh! trespass sweetly urged; give me my sin again!
SimplySivart
Senior
*****

Merits 12
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 289





Ignore
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2011, 10:02:37 PM »

I subscribe to the belief that only an educated woman can please an educated man.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2011, 10:09:03 PM by SimplySivart » Logged

"It's tricky having sex when married. You're stuck between 'This again?' and 'Where did you learn that?!?'" - Emo Phillips
BoundLynn
Junior
****

Merits 24
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 121





Ignore
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2011, 02:31:58 PM »

I've always subscribed to the idea that subs are suppose to be mouthy. If they've got no spunk to overcome where's the sense of accomplishment?
Logged

Lead me not into temptation,
But deliver me from evil
SimplySivart
Senior
*****

Merits 12
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 289





Ignore
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2011, 01:16:04 AM »

I've always subscribed to the idea that subs are suppose to be mouthy. If they've got no spunk to overcome where's the sense of accomplishment?

This is also true. Anything worth having is a challenge to obtain.
Logged

"It's tricky having sex when married. You're stuck between 'This again?' and 'Where did you learn that?!?'" - Emo Phillips
Strong in Heart
Senior
*****

Merits 30
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 295


"Fight for what you believe in"


WWW

Ignore
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2011, 12:24:53 PM »

Where's the fun in domming a dishcloth?

It's much more fun if your sub is mouthy!

For BOTH partners IMO!

 Smiley Wink
Logged

Kindness is what matters most
After that maybe sincerity
Be true to yourself
A condemnation out of ignorance is always unjust
Tripp-Ns lil SLUT
Freshman
**

Merits 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 13





Ignore
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2012, 03:18:06 AM »

Being fairly new to the bdsm world, I am relieved to see that my views and opinions on this particular subject are not uncommon. I am more than willing to be slave/sub to my husband because he has earned my trust and respect, and I his. My behavior is for those who have earned it only. (And he is earning it RIGHT NOW even as I type with his head between my legs!) So glad we found somewhere to express and share our new found fun!
Logged

When I've been, naughty is when I'm at my best.
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to: