Munches 1AA short guide to help those who are nervous about attending their first munch. Feel free to ask questions and share your experiences in this thread.
A BDSM munch is an informal gathering of like minded kinksters with an interest in BDSM so that they can eat and socialize, and perhaps find a partner. Most munches are purely social events, not educational events. Most munches are held in public places like restaurants, so it is often important to not wear fetish wear that the vanilla patrons of the establishment are not offended. Most munches are publicized online, and an internet search should show where you can find one near you.
Some munches are held at private residences, and so might wish to pre-screen you via some e-mail questions.
So now you've arrived
How will I recognise the group?This was difficult for me. The first munch I attended was in a coffee shop and there were two large groups. I sat on one of the couches and waited for one group or the other to distinguish itself in some way. Finally I asked the hostess if there was a group that met every Tuesday, and she pointed them out. Possibly you will have e-mail contact beforehand, or the announcement will give you a clue what to look for.
How should I introduce myself?"Hi, I'm new!" always works. Start simple with a first name, there is no need to give your whole life story. Privacy is important, and the other munch-sters will understand your caution about revealing too much.
What is expected of me?Politeness is the best thing. The munch I attend is run by a Domme who really dislikes men with the attitude that women cannot possibly be dominant over a man, and unfortunately she gets it a lot. One Dom showed up and repeatedly insisted that she would look really nice wearing one of his collars, which did not go over well. Another Dom showed up and promptly demanded to know where the hot young girls were, and left in a huff because all the women at the munch were "too old and ugly"! And of course the best story I've heard was the Dom that showed up and demanded he be given a slave.
Funny stories aside, you can always ask some general questions to break the ice, such as: "Did you have to travel far?" Depending on location, some people might have to travel hours to attend a munch. This question is not too direct to ask. You might want to refrain from asking questions like: "Where do you live?"
Will I be groped or will the perverts try to follow me home or abduct me?Well you might get propositioned, but you don't have to accept. Also in my experienced kinksters tend to be respectful about touching, so I've never received an unwanted or unwelcome grope. There's a lot of mutual respect going on; there has to be.
As for being followed home, it doesn't hurt to be careful when leaving. It is doubtful any of the regulars would ever do this, but occasionally an odd bird will show up.
How will I know if someone is hitting on me?BDSM folks tend to be more direct than the vanilla crowd. If they are hitting on you will probably know it. Questions you might get asked will concern your orientation (Dom, sub, etc.) Discussions of major turns off, turn ons, limits etcetera might also be discussed.
What do they talk about?They talk about everything vanilla people do. The parents talk about their children just like parents anywhere, except they also talk about keeping their children from discovering their activities. They talk about buying cars, and fixing cars. But they also talk about making toys and planning play parties.
What happens if the vanilla crown realizes we are perverts?Well I brought some fraternity "hazing" paddles to one munch for someone that wanted them. Some 'nilla folks recognized them and laughed about how they'd felt their stink back in their college days. But really, most folks thought we were having a good time and wanted to join us.
Are all munches the same?Nope, so please share your experiences and stories here!
Will I come away happy?That depends on what you are expecting. If you go assuming you will be allocated a sex slave you will leave highly disappointed. If you come expecting all the women will look like the kinky models on professional BDSM videos you will also be disappointed. But if you go expecting to make some friends with which you can talk about your kink, you have a very good chance of being satisfied.
How can I find out about munches in my area?Just do a search "BDSM munches" and you will find them. We also have a list here (really Darkheart's list) that needs some updating. I think I'll start working on it soon so it can become "Emily's List". Doh! That's already taken!
Also, if you'd like more details please check out the following:
http://www.drkdesyre.com/jaysguide.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munch_(BDSM)
